


The Good Side

by Honeyedlashton



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angel!Luke, Baby!Luke, Character Death, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Minor Character Death, Smut, bottom!Luke, bottom!Michael, bunny!luke, daddy!ashton, top!Calum, top!ashton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:34:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25249966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honeyedlashton/pseuds/Honeyedlashton
Summary: A Lashton story:In the beginning of a new chapter of his life, Ashton deals with the traumas of his past. He uses them as the foundations of his decision making towards a brighter happier future. Perhaps someone else is helping usher him in the right direction to get out of his dead end job and pursue his lifelong dream: owning his own restaurant. The future looks bright for Ashton-with the help the people closest to him-but there might be a few bumps along the way.OrA short fic where Ashton works at a sandwich deli, and Luke works at the Frozen Yogurt shop next to it.This is a mainly Lashton fic with some soft Malum and GUARANTEED smut.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. Be The Angel of My Prayers

The first time Ashton met Luke, it was one of the hottest days of the spring so far. He was dying for something to cool him down. The air conditioning had gone out that day—of all days—and Ashton was overheating quick. No amount of desk fans or open doors could subdue the kind of heat that permeated from the pavement and through the wide open double doors. If anything, they made it worse.

He was tempted to shove himself in the walk-in fridge to cool off. Though while giving himself hyperthermia sounded nice in theory, he was only four bucks away from keeping himself decently cool at least for the next few hours till his shift ended.

 _Yo Heaven_ , the frozen yogurt shop across the parking lot, seemed like the perfect option. Not because Ashton had been there more than once—or because he was even excited to spend his hard earned money on a couple ounces of overpriced dairy—but because anything with Heaven in the name was bound to be a pleasant experience on a hot day like this

"Jack, man," Ashton sighed to his boss—they were friends long before Jack got promoted to day shift Manager, "I've gotta do something, cause just sitting here in this heat is making it worse. I'm thinkin' of taking my break just so I can go get us some fuckin fro-yo... you want in?"

Jack—who was fanning himself with a stack of takeout menus so all Ashton could see was the blur of the glossy red, yellow, and black pages and beckoning pictures of massive sandwiches—looked up and gave him a doleful look. "You'd be willing to get that for us?"

"Yeah, anything to get out of this heat, man," Ashton sighed. "I didn't think I'd actually be in hell when I applied here..." he joked and Jack sighed.

"I know... this is fucking ridiculous you'd think repair guys would be more sympathetic since we can offer them money _and_ sandwiches for fixing our shit..."

Calum came in from the back and wiped the sweat from his brow on his forearm. "They said it's gonna be on night shift before the guy can get here..."

"Did you tell them we can't wait that long?" Ashton furrowed his eyebrows.

"I tried to, they said they were booked up till seven. _Seven!_ " Calum sighed.

"God that makes me wanna die," Ashton sighed. "No relief till we get in our cars..."

"Speak for yourself," Calum grumbled. It was a long standing thing that Calum was upset about the lack of air conditioning in his car. "I tried to tell them that we have temperature sensitive items. They just passed it off like we had refrigerators for that."

"Yeah, but not for _us_..."Jack sighed.

Ashton shook his head. "Not your fault, man. Look, I'm gonna get us some yogurt across the carpark. Just so we have some relief. Want me to get you some, too?"

"You'd really be doing me a favor, mate..." Calum looked relieved.

"Yeah, man, don't worry about it," Ashton smirked, clocking out for his break. "Just text me what you want on both of yours. I got it." And within the next two minutes, Ashton was braving the heat of the sun, rather than the stagnant air of the Deli.

Oasis Plaza was the home of many simplified, borderline angering afterlife references. _Yo Heaven, Paradise Tanning,_ _Inferno Ink_ and his own place of business: _Devil's Deli_. He hated the name, but he hated a lot of things about this strip mall.

The cool air of the _Yo Heaven_ was actually that. Ashton felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders as soon as he walked in—though was suddenly aware of how damp he was all over.

The place was clean and bright. The front of house was decorated in sleek white and blue clouds along the wall. Ashton felt like he didn't deserve to be in a place with this many bright lights. He felt _way_ out of place, especially since he was in all dark red and black. Also because the place was pretty empty.

"Hello?" He called in a soft voice.

"Oh, hi," A curly blonde haired boy peaked out from around the corner and squeaked. "Welcome to _Yo Heaven._ I'll be your angel today. What can I get for you?"

Ashton thought this "angel" was the most heavenly thing about that place already... "hey," he smiled smoothly. "I'll be your _devil_ today..." he pointed to the little devil horns on his own name badge.

The boy—Luke, as the name tag read—giggled. It was soft and Ashton almost died right there. He saw a slight halo around the boy. "You're the first person from the deli I've ever seen come in here. Are they all as funny as you?" He cooed, and Ashton couldn't tell if he was serious or not.

"Maybe. That depends on your idea of funny," Ashton noticed the little fabric angel wings on his white visor. Underneath, his blonde curls spilled out in delicate tendrils around his cheekbones. He was blushing, and now so was Ashton. "I've got three orders. Is that alright?"

"Oh yeah!" Luke smiled sweetly and Ashton wanted to melt. "Is this for lunch?"

"No just something we desperately need to cool down. Our air conditioning is shot over there." Ashton explained softly.

"Oh no! That sounds awful." And for some reason it seemed like Luke was actually listening. But Ashton didn't know how to keep talking. "I guess fro-yo will make it better."

"Well, that's why I'm here," Ashton gave him a small smile and admired how pretty he was. He was so exceptionally perfect for this job. He was like an angel in real life.

"What can I get for you?" Luke asked like a sweet boy, tilting his head to the side. Somehow trying to snap Ashton back into attention while simultaneously pulling him even deeper in.

"Oh yeah!" Ashton carried through with the first two, and then decided to turn on the charm. "So I've actually never been here before. You got a favorite flavor?"

Luke nodded, "oh yeah, the strawberry and cotton candy ones are the best."

"Cotton candy yogurt?" Ashton scrunched his nose a bit. "You make that?"

"Mhmm! It's so yummy, especially when you put pop-rocks on it," Luke grinned a pure smile and Ashton nearly melted.

"Alright, Luke... I'm gonna trust your judgement," Ashton nodded, even though it sounded more sugary than he wanted. "Gimme some cotton candy please."

Luke nodded and turned away to fix it and Ashton admired the view. Luke had a prominent bum, and Ashton was losing his mind at the sight of it in Luke's white work pants. Luke was not just cute, he was hot—but in that soft, innocent way. "What toppings would you like?"

Ashton shook his head, "Nuh-uh... this is the Luke special. Make it like you would..." Ashton smiled and Luke giggled. Ashton wanted to melt again. "Now wait talk me though the process so I know what to order next time," he was feeling bold cause Luke was either really into him, or really nice.

"Okay," Luke grinned, "other than pop rocks I wouldn't really put much else on. Except maybe gummy bears, but that's only on good days."

"Oh, I'm tryna make this a _very_ good day, pile on the gummy bears," Ashton smiled.

Luke blushed and put on a big scoop. "There you go! This'll make your day better, I promise."

"I'll hold you to it," Ashton smiled.

Luke gave him his total and Ashton paid for it, quickly realizing he didn't wanna leave Luke, and more importantly this haven of air conditioning. "Well Luke, it was very nice to meet you... I'm gonna come back more."

"You should, even if your air isn't broken," Luke beamed bright.

Ashton wanted to kiss those glossy lips. "Oh I definitely will..." he sighed, feeling his heart flutter.

The next few hours he stared at the cute white sign over _Yo Heaven_ and dreamed of the pretty boy inside.

"What the fuck's on your mind, man?" Calum snapped him out of it.

"Got a crush? Hot twink at the fro-yo place?" Jack teased.

"'S that why you got the pink yogurt?" Calum carried it on.

"Yes, yes, and _yes_ actually..." Ashton smirked. "I think he likes me. He told me to come back. And I mean this cotton candy yogurt is the worst thing I've ever tasted but I'll gladly pay another four bucks and some change for the opportunity to see his ass again..."

"Mate, I think he's just infatuated with your business. Flirting is his job..." Calum raised his eyebrows.

"He won _me_ over," Ashton sighed.

"Fuckin simp," Calum rolled his eyes.

"Yeah maybe, but at least I'm tryin..."

"Not what you're supposed to say, man..." Jack giggled.

"Yeah, okay. Tease all you want, but I'm gonna see him again tomorrow and he's gonna fall for me."

"That would be a sight," Jack continued to laugh.

"Fuck you guys. I'm not buying you any more then. Only _I_ get special treatment from the hot twink next door."

"Please... Jack and I get double the twinks you get on our _own_ and that's why we're fine with that," Calum giggled.

"Then you fucks should have no problem staying away from _Yo Heaven_ then, hmm?" Ashton shrugged.

"Don't wanna see the damage from your simp bullshit," Calum shook his head.

"Then miss out on a beautiful love story," Ashton hummed.

"Only in your head," Jack rolled his eyes.

Ashton looked over at the windows of _Yo Heaven_ on the way out the door at the end of his shift. He imagined Luke inside. He imagined buying him flowers. He imagined hugging and taking care of him. He knew he'd just met him but he was fairly certain Luke was one of the most beautiful and kind boys he'd ever met. He just had a feeling that Luke was better than his ex.

When he was backing out of his parking spot he noticed one of the cutest things he'd ever seen: the angel on a baby pink bike. Luke, had his blonde curls free from his work visor and, they flowed and glowed in the afternoon sun. He made a point to cut on his best music and drove by him, waving with the windows down.

Luke grinned and waved back as he strapped on his little pink helmet. Ashton sighed dreaming about how cute he looked right then. Luke was beautiful. Ashton was infatuated.

He thought about him the whole ride home. And as he made dinner. And as he helped his little brother with homework.

"What's goin' on, Ashy?" His sister, Lauren, asked gently when she walked in on him humming to himself while washing dishes.

"Nothin'," Ashton smirked softly. "Why would something be 'goin' on?'"

"You're humming," Lauren cooed.

"I can't hum?"

"No, it's not that, it's just... it must have been a pretty good day at work," Ashton was thankful she didn't finish her original train of thought.

"Actually it was awful. Air conditioning went down," Ashton hummed and smirked.

"Okay weirdo..." Lauren gave him the side eye and made her glass of water. "If you don't want me to know I'll let you keep your secret..."

"I met someone," Ashton gushed softly, like he didn't wanna jinx it.

"Really?" Lauren brightened. "Why didn't you say that in the _first_ place?"

"Cause it's new and I don't even really know anything about him yet."

"Is he nice?" Lauren tucked her blonde hair behind her ear, like she didn't care how limited Ashton's knowledge was.

"He seems to be..." Ashton blushed at having to talk about it at all.

"What does he look like?" Lauren smiled.

"There's more to a person than their looks Laur. Mumma taught us that," Ashton rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, looks aren't the most important thing, but they help a lot..." Lauren cooed.

"He's so sweet... he's beautiful and has the most gentle blonde curls and sweetest dimples. I swear I fell in love with him the second I saw him." Ashton felt more safe with his sister than even Calum or Jack.

Lauren thankfully didn't call him a simp. "That's so sweet, Ashy," She smiled so genuinely, it made Ashton's heart grow a little.

"He's gentle, and gracious. And he rides the most adorable pink bike," Ashton gushed. "And he told me to come back to the yogurt place whenever I want. I think I actually met an angel, Laur..."

"Well keep me updated. I wanna know my future brother-in-law."

Ashton rolled his eyes, "thinkin ahead, are we?"

"Always."

And Ashton found himself thinking ahead too. He hoped that it wasn't just a chance meeting. He wanted Luke. He wanted to see him again. He was gonna make it happen. Tomorrow. He'd bring him flowers. _Or you could just order more fro-yo. Maybe save the flowers for the third time you see him, Ash..._ he rolled his eyes internally.

But he didn't need to plan anything out, because guess who was there at opening.

"Luke..." Ashton smiled brightly. "Well isn't this a surprise."

"I forgot my lunch at home," Luke smiled, almost like it didn't bother him. "I didn't want yogurt for lunch."

"Well then it sounds like you came to the right place," Ashton smirked. "Lucky for you, you've got the best sandwich maker in this place... don't tell my boss."

"Your secret's safe with me," Luke looked like Ashton's dream right there, giggling softly. "I see the air is on."

"I promise I didn't lie yesterday," Ashton held up his hands.

"I wouldn't mind if you did. I liked meeting you."

The air might as well have still been broken for how hot Ashton suddenly got. "Then tell me what kinda sandwich you're looking for?"

"I dunno... what's the Ashton special?" Luke looked at him with sweet eyes.

He blushed. "You want the Ashton special?" Luke nodded and Ashton was willing to take the challenge. "Alright... well first you've gotta take some ciabatta, toast it. Layer on some of that oven roasted chicken, munster cheese, roasted red peppers, spinach, feta, olive oil, and oregano. The Ashton special." He mused, making it up on the spot

"Provolone," Luke spoke up. "I like provolone cheese..."

Ashton nodded. "Alright. Provolone..." he smirked and started making it. Luke stared intently.

"Woah, you don't play with your proportions," Luke stared at the sandwich that looked like it would barely fit in Luke's mouth.

"I made it like I would make for me on a _good_ day," he smirked and Luke giggled. Ashton thought he caught Luke's cheeks get even pinker for a second.

Luke paid in card, and while Ashton was waiting for him to sign the store copy of the recipt, he caught the sight of his glittery eyeshadow. "I like your eye make up.

Luke's whole face brightened, and Ashton was certain he wasn't imagining a blush this time. "Thanks, Ash," He cooed softly.

But the moment—as sweet as it was—faded when Luke gave him the receipt back and practically ran away with his sandwich in hand. Ashton was concerned that he'd said something wrong, and then he noticed the pretty handwriting.

A 10 dollar tip on a 6 dollar sandwich, and a phone number with "call me :)" written under it.


	2. Be The Devil Who Cares

Ashton debated whether or not to text. Over and over he punched the numbers into his phone, typed out a message, and became overwhelmed by how stupid it sounded and erased the whole thing.

Right now he was holding his thumb on the backspace.

Why was it so difficult for him to text Luke? He had no problem speaking in person, but writing is so vulnerable. So many opportunities for mistakes. What if Luke's actually the type to correct his grammar. There could be something he didn't know, and Luke could judge him for that...

_Just shut up and send the text, Ashton!_ He thought. His fingers typed out: "hey :)" and then erased it again. "Hey Luke, it's Ashton. How are you? :)"

He was in the process of erasing again and calling himself an asshole, when Calum came in racing like he had something to worry about. "sorry I'm late. Fuckin engine tried to overheat..."

"Aren't you supposed to be a mechanic?" Ashton furrowed his brows.

"Well, it _is_ a fixer upper," Calum shrugged. "And aren't _you_ supposed to be prepping chicken?"

"Already done. It's amazing what happens when you show up on time," Ashton teased.

Calum flicked him off, and grumbled something terse Ashton didn't wanna know under his breath as he clocked in. "What's this?"

Ashton looked up from yet another draft of what to say to his angel, and noticed he'd left Luke's receipt in plain sight.

"Holy shit..." Calum smirked. "You mean the simp king actually got someone's number?"

Ashton rolled his eyes. "Same twink from yesterday—not that it's any of your business."

"Fuck, dude. Jack seen this?" Calum asked holding up the receipt.

"No, I haven't seen Jack since we o—."

"Hey, Jack! You're not gonna believe this shit!" Calum called walking into the kitchen part, where Jack was doing inventory. "Ashton got his fuckin number!"

"You're shitting me..." Jack looked up from his COG binder. "Simping really works? I'll be damned."

Ashton rolled his eyes. "Laugh it up. I still don't know how the fuck I'm gonna text him, so it may be for nothing.

"Don't text," Calum warned. "At all. As soon as you give twinks the power they're milking you for everything you've got. You'll end up out of a BMW and in a beat up fixer upper..."

Ashton narrowed his eyes inquisitively. "Speaking from personal experience, mate?"

"Just follow my advice man," Calum cautioned.

Ashton rolled his eyes. "I know what twinks are like. I dated one for two years remember?"

"I don't think that counts," Jack folded his arms. "He dumped you cause you had wandering eyes... and hands..."

"And that's only what he _knew_ about,"

"Yeah well not before he took most of my bank account," Ashton sighed. "I was dumb and stupid and... look it's not that Troye was bad or anything, I just thought Bryana was super hot."

"Don't you mean s _uper hot?_ " Jack cupped his hands around his chest as if to mimick breasts.

"I was still technically a teenager, give it a rest," Ashton groaned. "And besides. I'm older, wiser, bound not to be as flighty as I once was. I pay a mortgage now, raise my family."

"Then do you really have enough _time_ for another relationship though?" Calum asked seriously.

"Look, right now, I can't even text him. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll find not only the time, but the inspiration," Ashton said only half joking. He was really torn up about not being able to figure out the perfect thing to say to the perfect boy. He hadn't even begun to think about how he'd work in a whole relationship...

And he never did. Not that day at least. He kept talking himself out of it. Kept typing "Hey :)" then holding down the back space when he'd get distracted.

Five minutes turned into five hours, which turned into Ashton falling asleep, still fully clothed in the outfit he'd worn to the hospital with his phone clutched in his hand.

No change in his text block when he woke up. He'd made breakfast, put his siblings on their respective busses, and got to work repeating in his head that he'd fucked up his opportunity for sure by waiting so long. Luke was never gonna talk to him again. This made him particularly apprehensive towards going to get fro-yo again when Jack suggested it.

"Yeah. After work," Calum cooed. "The heat is gonna kill me if I drive in the afternoon without air again. Or at least something to keep me cool."

"You're such a drama queen, Cal. You've got windows!" Ashton rolled his eyes. "We have giant bottles of coke here."

"Yeah, but I'm sick of soda. I want vanilla yogurt with some fuckin strawberries on it!" Calum huffed.

"Alright... alright." Ashton sighed trying to satiate the beast. Calum was vocal only when it was important to him. "We'll go get some... damn."

"I just wanted to meet your twink," Jack shrugged.

Ashton shook his head, knowing Luke probably wouldn't talk to him anyway. But if it would shut them up about it forever... "whatever. Fine. We'll go."

And they did go.

And Ashton was in hell. He saw the pink bike and softened a little, but it only hurt his pride. And as if the moment couldn't get any worse. It was packed in there. And Luke and another angel seemed to be running the show. He bit his lip and hid behind Jack and Calum.

He mentally prepared himself for Luke looking at him with cold betrayed eyes instead of the warm beckoning smile he had grown attached to. Or worse, if Luke pretended like he didn't know him... he was so stupid for being here.

It took only a few minutes to get to the front of the line, and Ashton didn't have the courage to look at Luke until it was time to order.

"Hey..." he whispered.

"Hi, Ashton," Luke didn't seem to have any vengeance in his face so Ashton relaxed a little. "How are you?"

"I'm alright. Been really busy," Ashton cooed—which wasn't a lie. "What about you?"

"Little busy right now," Luke teased gently. "And also... I think I might be having trouble with my phone service, or something, cause I can't seem to get a text from _you_..."

Ashton could practically hear Jack and Calum's surprised reactions behind him. And then there was a slight whisper of: "holy shit, man."

"Hmm," Ashton had to fight to keep his heart from popping out of his chest. "Well then let me fix that..." he tugged his phone out and sent a: "Hey it's Ash x" without a second thought. "There you go, Lu."

"Well that was so easy..." Luke teased him. "Where was that energy yesterday?"

"Nervous you didn't actually want me to text..." Ashton cooed.

"Why would I leave my number for someone I didn't want to text, silly?" Luke didn't have any malice in his face. He had tilted his head again and Ashton wanted to kiss him.

"I have a tendency to over think," Ashton admitted. "So you don't hate me for taking so long."

"I wouldn't hate anyone who didn't deserve it," Luke smiled, and Ashton knew that he actually was an angel. "I don't think you deserve my anger, Ashton."

"Can someone so sweet be angry?"

"You have no idea..."

"You wanna go out some time?" Ashton asked boldly, resting himself on the refrigerated display stand of cups of fruit.

"Yes," Luke squeaked immediately, his eyes large, almost looking like he couldn't believe Ashton had asked so boldly. And neither could Ashton.

"Tomorrow, we can go for dinner or something. Coffee..." Ashton offered.

"Okay," Luke nodded. "I'll text you where to pick me up..."

Ashton smirked and nodded. He was so in shock by what he'd said he forgot to order yogurt. He pulled Calum away from where he was flirting with the Angel that made his yogurt. The name tag read Michael.

"I'm gonna go," Ashton hummed and waved to Jack, who was trying his hardest to flirt with Luke. And Luke was having nothing to do with him. Ashton thought that was a good thing.

"Okay..." Calum smirked knowingly, "see you tomorrow." And just by that Ashton knew neither Jack nor Calum was gonna give him an inch of relief tomorrow. He sighed and waved to Luke. But Luke was too busy pointing out every flavor yogurt for Jack, Ashton remembered how much he hated his friend sometimes.

The next day he made it through with minimal scathing he thought. Jack and Calum were more tolerable than he thought they'd be. But he was nervous so that overruled everything else. He had that oily feeling in the pit of his stomach like he was gonna be sick, but also thousands of butterflies.

Luke had texted him all the night before. He found himself talking to him about the little things he barely noticed about himself. His fashion sense, the way he worded things, the way he spent time with his siblings.

He found himself telling Luke so many times that night. "Sorry I was cooking dinner," or "sorry I was tucking in my brother," "sorry" "sorry" "sorry." And Luke had told him not to apologize.

"you have a life. it's okay :) i like that you're there for your family" Luke had sent. Ashton felt like floating on air.

But now he was heavy with the weight of knowing everything will be alright, and wondering if he was lying to himself.

When the end of the work day came, and the teasing from Jack and Calum subsided, Ashton changed into his regular clothes and drove the few seconds it took to get to Yo Heaven by car. He wanted to make sure Luke didn't have to walk too far. He left the windows down and parked under a tree to give some shade so it wouldn't be too hot later.

Luke looked up at him with the biggest grin and all the angst Ashton was feeling melted away. "I'm almost done," his angel had called.

The other angel he recognized as Michael waved at him. "Our boss is making us take photos of the cleaning we do, so it makes us stay later..."

Ashton had nodded with a gentle smile.

"Hey your friend that was in here..." Michael cooed looking over the sneeze guard. "Do you know if he's single?"

"Yeah... but I don't know if he's really the dating type. I'll ask him if he'd be interested though," Ashton smiled.

"Don't tell him I'm interested," Michael blushed. "Just make it sound casual. Like you thought we'd look cute together. But don't tell him I said that."

"Don't worry, mate. I'll talk you up." Ashton nodded.

And then Luke had announced he'd clocked out and changed. Ashton smiled at Luke's cute little white overall dress, with a baby pink shirt underneath. His makeup was soft, and he was wearing pink frilly socks under his chunky white tennis shoes. Ashton had noticed every detail because Luke looked like the fantasy he never even knew he'd dreamed.

"Are you ready?" Luke smiled a blushy smile.

"Y-yeah," Ashton stood up and matched Luke's smile. "You look amazing." He cooed.

Luke blushed deeply. "Thank you, Ashy."

Ashton felt full of electricity. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know the right ice breaker. He was scared cause his anxiety had ruined dates for him before, but he really _really_ didn't want to mess it up with Luke.

That was in the back of his mind the whole drive. "I've been wondering something," Luke cooed after a natural lull in their idle chatter—which Ashton hated himself for wasting his words in the first place.

"Alright, I'm listening," Ashton cooed sweetly.

"Do you cook a lot outside of work?" Luke cooed.

"Yeah," Ashton smirked. "I'm actually in college for culinary arts."

"You're joking," Luke cooed and Ashton cocked his head. "So am I! That's crazy." He bit his lip on a grin.

"How have I never seen you?" Ashton cooed.

"I switched majors at the beginning of last semester," Luke cooed. "I'm still on the basics."

"What was your major before?" Ashton cooed no longer feeling like he was wasting words.

"Fashion," Luke sighed. "Unfortunately I didn't wanna make my clothes that much."

"I understand," Ashton chuckled. "Plus you already have a nice sense of fashion. _I'm_ impressed anyway."

Luke giggled. "I also would much rather work with food. I wanna open my own restaurant some day."

"Me too," Ashton grinned.

"Sandwiches?" Luke hummed like he knew something.

"Are you opening a fro-yo joint?" Ashton asked with raised brows.

"Touché," Luke smirked. "Actually I don't know what mines gonna be yet. Maybe a bakery? I like all the measurements and stuff."

"Oh I hate the measurements. They're such a waste of time in my style of cooking," Ashton sighed.

"And what's that? Intuitive?" Luke hummed.

"Maybe."

"I hate intuitive cooking. We get it you think in tastes." Luke giggled teasingly.

"Yeah well bakers are so pretentious. We get it you own a kitchen scale," Ashton bit his lip on a smirk.

"You know," Luke purred breaking conversation a bit, "I've never been insulted so much on a first date."

"Neither have I."

"I kinda like it..."

"Me too..."

"Intuitive chefs," Luke rolled his eyes and cuddled close to Ashton in the car. And Ashton hugged his shoulders with his free hand. He knew it was the start of something good.


	3. Be Anything but Darling

Ashton and Luke were inseparable. Every day they grew hotter under the budding summer sky. One week into their relationship, Ashton was taking Luke to the quietest overlook he knew to show him the view of the city.

That was their first kiss. Their first real kiss. And it was sweet and rough and full of teeth, and tongue. His angel panted and grabbed at his shirt to pull him in for more. That was the first time Ashton ever considered that Luke could really be anything less than innocent.

He had panted against Luke's lips. The moon was glowing and it cast a bright pale sheen on Luke's hair. He took it in. It was a snapshot of this moment in his mind to remember Luke's parted, smudged lip glossed lips. The dilated pupils. The warm bubblegum breath against his neck. The fire it lit inside of him.

"Lu..." Ashton groaned.

"Hmm?" Luke was placing pretty kisses to his neck.

"Don't take this the wrong way... but you look like you shouldn't be able to kiss this well." Ashton sighed and hugged him in his lap in the back seat.

"It's cause I shouldn't," Luke whispered in his ear and kissed at his jaw. Ashton was putty in Luke's hands then.

"Sweet bunny," Ashton murmured against the soft skin of Luke's neck. He crept his hands into the back pockets of Luke's painted on light blue "fuck-me" jeans. Luke shuddered a little moan at that.

"Your bunny..." Luke whispered and looked into his eyes. He looked like he was gonna say something but whatever it was, it was lost when Luke kissed him again.

Ashton sighed and tugged Luke's lower lip in his teeth. He licked sparks up his tongue. He breathed in Luke's breath and got lost in the haze of the cherry blossom perfume and bubblegum lips.

They stayed like that till Ashton had to go home. "I've gotta be home before midnight."

"Why? Will your car turn into a pumpkin?" Luke purred, tugging at Ashton's hair as he played with it.

"No," Ashton giggled. "But I do have to go home and take care of my half siblings." He cooed. "Even though I would much rather stay with you... you have no idea."

"I think it's sweet," Luke promised rubbing Ashton's chest, and Ashton felt better. "You're dedicated. It's soft. I like that you're a family man."

"It's annoying to me sometimes," Ashton sighed.

"You never know how long you're gonna have family." Luke whispered. Ashton wanted to ask more, but Luke just kissed his jaw and cheek and got up. "I'll give you your goodbye kiss at my door," he teased climbing back into the front seat.

Ashton followed and held Luke's thigh the whole way back. Wishing they didn't have to say goodbye at all.

By a month into their relationship, Ashton was meeting Luke's family. They were nice and welcoming. They'd invited him for dinner, and Ashton couldn't say no. He had to get a sitter and wear his nice clothes. Luke's family was rich and they kept a dress code.

He'd brought flowers for Luke's mom and some scotch for his dad and tried his best to look presentable. He knew Luke was the baby of the family, so he had to make a good impression. It only mattered what Luke thought of him in the end, but he was dead convinced he was gonna marry Luke some day, so this determined how livable the family reunions were gonna be.

It went well, and Luke gave him the best blowjob of his life in the car. "I love you..." he whispered as he hugged Luke close and watched the stars.

And for a second there was no anxiousness with saying it, cause it was true. Luke's voice was sweet and a little raspy when he whispered, "I love you," right back.

He was—reluctantly—home by midnight.

The next week Luke came over to meet Ashton's family, and they were as excited as ever to meet him. Lauren gushed to Luke about how beautiful his makeup was and how she'd love to do it for him some day. Harry insisted that Luke play Mario with him.

Ashton was relieved they all seemed to get along so well, but rescued Luke after dinner and took him to his room. He locked the door and gave him a couple minutes to look around. Ashton noticed that Luke had this look like he was thinking something that he wasn't voicing out loud. "You have a lot of mirrors," he cooed finally.

"I'm a very vain person," Ashton smirked.

"I don't believe that," Luke hummed and sat in his lap.

"You should believe it. I'm full of myself," Ashton hummed, instinctively running his hands up Luke's thighs.

"Being full of you doesn't sound so bad..." Luke whispered against his lips.

Ashton moaned and let his eyes flutter closed. "You're a naughty boy, Luke..."

"I know."

"You love meeting the family..."

"I like meeting the family, I love the free feeling afterwards," Luke rubbed Ashton's chest. "I think we should make love tonight..." he whispered.

Ashton had hoped for this, but was surprised to hear it out loud. "Okay baby," he nodded with his heart in his throat. Up until then it was only blowjobs and making out in the back of his car. Only peripheral things, never the real deal. And Ashton was more than excited for the prospect. "I think we should, too."

"Oh, Ashy. I want you to know that I love you so, so much," Luke whispered kissing all over his jaw and neck.

"I love you, Lukey-bunny," Ashton purred and moaned. Breathing in the soft perfume that just followed Luke everywhere.

Luke was hot heat on top of Ashton, getting subbier as they kissed, letting Ashton take more control. And Ashton was willing. He deepened their kiss, tangling their tongues and inching his hands under Luke's skirt till he reached his bum. "Oh daddy..." Luke whispered against Ashton's lips, and pressed their hips together. Ashton's stomach flipped and he almost saw stars.

And then Ashton's phone rang.

He ignored it at first. It signaled a voicemail. And then it rang again.

Ashton knew that wasn't good. He pulled away from Luke and looked at the screen. He recognized the number to the hospital. "Shit... I have to take this..." he bit his lip as he answered the phone.

Time stopped.

He was stuck in the moment he knew the words before the woman on the line ever said them. But that didn't make him prepared to hear them. He hung up the phone at thirty-eight seconds.

"I have to go to the hospital," Ashton said surprisingly calmly.

Luke looked at him with big eyes and parted lips and a blush. He touched Ashton's arm in response.

"My mother just, um... her uh life support just uh—." He couldn't get the words out. Instead he tried to find his keys which had suddenly disappeared.

"Let me come with you. I'll get Lauren and Harry," Luke stood up and kissed Ashton's cheek.

Everything was vivid in his mind. He couldn't find his keys though. He'd looked everywhere. And by the time the kids were downstairs, Luke had found them on the counter. Ashton suddenly remembered setting them there.

"We need snacks... I don't know when we're gonna eat again," Ashton admitted, and noticed Harry and Lauren's faces. They were scared and sad. Ashton would imagine his face was likely just as shocked as theirs.

Luke's was stoic. "I'll get the snacks. Go to the car. I'll drive."

"Luke, I—."

"Don't fight with me about this. I'll drive."

Ashton did as Luke said. He made small jokes in the car as a way to lighten the mood. Most were self deprecating, the others boosted Luke and the kids up.

"My therapist told me its good to make jokes in traumatic times. It means I'm not in fight or flight..." Ashton said hyperaware of everything around him. He could close his eyes and remember the license plate numbers.

The hospital was cold and bright at a quarter past midnight. The clock on the wall echoed either in the room or in Ashton's mind as he stared at the sheet covered body on the other side of the glass. Luke was with Lauren and Harry, in the waiting area of the morgue.

And there was one thought that rung above the rest: somewhere out there is death—afterlife or not—and it doesn't matter how it comes, it always comes...

Two weeks after that, Ashton was tired of his mother's story. He'd told it so much he didn't care about it anymore, he felt disassociated with it.

"My sibling's father beat my mother into a coma, which she stayed in for six months. He went to prison, she went to the hospital, and then one day a couple weeks ago her life support went out, and that's it." Ashton shrugged to a couple of neighbor kids he'd never seen before when they came by asking.

He was desensitized to it, so he offered them a popsicle so they'd go away.

The only person he didn't shoo away was Luke. Luke had somehow stayed strong enough through it all to handle Ashton's small bursts of grief, and his siblings' all but constant outpour. All were valid. And Luke just knew how to handle it.

Ashton could hardly believe such empathy existed. Not because it's hard to find anyone be nice or anything, but just the way Luke was nice. Ashton could tell there was caring in his bones. The way he constantly stayed by Ashton's side and helped him with the kids.

In a world outside from the world Ashton was living in—one where emotions existed all the time—Luke would be in high praise. His warmth, his strength, his kindness. The way he gently tucked Ashton into bed and kissed him as not to wake him. He knew that at some point, these acts would be viewed in a better light and could be reciprocated.

He felt he was almost there.

He was that night, when Luke came to bed with him. He'd been staying with him full time to help him get on his feet. Luke cut out the light and crawled in bed beside him. They'd kissed. They'd said their "I love you's." Ashton was wide awake.

The moon came in through the curtains and cast the pale blue light on Luke's features. The bed shone in the light of the full moon. The mirrors around them bounced the light around the room, and Ashton stared at Luke.

"Baby?" He whispered into the silence of only Luke's breath, and the fan.

"Mhmm," Luke cooed softly.

"Did I wake you?" Ashton asked softly.

"No," Luke opened his eyes and held Ashton's hand, kissing his knuckles. "What going on?"

Ashton found it was easier to say what he thought then. "Thank you." He whispered. "You have no idea what your help and love means to me..." he was too proud to admit that even if he was desensitized to the situation, he teared up saying that. "You've been so strong I could never repay you..."

Luke hugged him. "There's no need for payment. I love you. I love Lauren and Harry. I'm staying right here."

"You don't owe me anything, you have no obligation to help me," Ashton whispered.

"I have every obligation." Luke whispered. "I want to be here. I want you to feel safe and loved and warm in this. It's cold to feel death. And I've never felt it like you feel it, but I know that losing anyone hurts. As someone who loves you, I have a responsibility show you that love, even through the hard times."

Ashton nodded gently and hugged Luke close. "You show me love in ways I never even knew I needed." He admitted. "I'm so thankful. I hope I can show them back to you some day." He rubbed Luke's lower back.

"Don't treat love like money," Luke whispered. "You don't owe me anything. There's nothing to pay. My love is free and unconditional."

Ashton kissed him slowly and brushed their noses. He hugged him so close and considered the magnitude of Luke's words. But he still felt like he owed something. He wasn't sure what, but he had the feeling the universe between them would never be even ground. "Let's make love..." Ashton whispered with little tears in the corner of his eyes. He rubbed Luke's lower back, focusing on the feeling of the fabric on his shirt. "Please."

Luke hesitated for a moment at the switch in pace, then melted into his touch. "Okay..."

"I just wanna show you that your love is appreciated," Ashton whispered against his neck.

"Okay," Luke's voice was like a whisper.

Ashton could feel both their heartbeats like they were filling the room and not just their bodies. "You're so damn beautiful..." he noticed the way the moon danced through the curtains to diffuse on Luke's skin. His perfect skin.

Luke melted into his touch. He climbed into Ashton's lap, picking up the kiss that had started two weeks before like it had never been interrupted. No hesitation, just a tangle of them.

Luke tugged at Ashton's hair—somehow more needy than he was. He whined and and rubbed against him, and Ashton was in heaven. It was the very real heaven that came with Luke's touch. It gave him purpose.

He moaned and got Luke out of his pajamas. Luke's panties were soft and white and they glowed in moonlight. Just like Luke's skin. Ashton kissed all over Luke's torso and tummy.

"Lukey-baby," he purred kissing little lovebites on Luke's hips.

Luke gasped and arched into it, whining a little. "Daddy..." he sighed like it didn't light dynamite in Ashton's chest.

"I love that," he purred low kissing and biting at Luke's inner thighs . "Say it again..."

"Daddy," Luke flushed and hid his face.

Ashton felt ten feet tall. "You think I'm daddy?" he purred, inching Luke's panties down his thighs.

"Uh-huh," Luke hiccuped.

"Flip over for me then, angel," Ashton cooed, helping Luke roll over. "Daddy wants to make you feel good."

Luke moaned and rubbed against the mattress softly. "It's hot when you say it about yourself..."

Ashton smirked, and kissed all over Luke's bum—which illicited a gasp from the receiver. And a moan when he kissed his way deeper, licking and sucking at the sensitive skin of his entrance. He rode the wave of muffled moans and sighs of his new name. And that only made him lust even harder after Luke.

Ashton didn't know if he was going along with this cause Luke was needy, or because they both were, but he wasn't gonna waste his opportunity again.

He opened the blonde boy up with his tongue and his fingers. Then he made him get in his lap and wrap around him as he pressed inside. Ashton held his bum in a death grip.

Luke melted around him, eventually letting out a moan that turned Ashton half to butterflies, half to steel. He locked around Luke. Holding him tight to support and ensure the feeling in his own core wouldn't leave. "God baby... you're so fucking tight," he sighed.

Luke smirked and moaned in a baby voice, "you're just big daddy," Ashton rewarded that with a hard thrust and Luke's eyes rolled back. "Gonna rip me in half..."

"Mmm you want that, bunny?" Ashton purred nosing at Luke's neck behind his ear and he could feel the cool air in his skin when Luke gasped

"Uh-huh!"

"Want daddy to be rougher?"

Luke nodded and bounced against him with a concentrated pout. "Want daddy to use his baby bunny."

Ashton raised his eyebrows and complied. He laid Luke back against the pillows and hiked his legs over his shoulder, and pressed deeper inside at a relentless pace.

Luke's eyes rolled back as Ashton attempted to find the subby boy's spot. And he was amazed to see just how subby Luke actually was. He cuddled a pillow like it was a teddy bear and begged for more. So Ashton reached between them to stroke Luke—cause he knew himself, and he was gonna get close if Luke kept up this game he was playing—only to have him push his hand away.

"'Can cum untouched, daddy. Just want harder..." Luke panted and moaned, arching his back slightly. Ashton practically came on the spot. But he complied and fucked Luke as hard and fast as he could. "Ooh! Right t-there!" Luke gasped.

Found it, Ashton thought and smiled to himself. And he set his aim, barraging Luke's spot to make him gasp and cry out. Like a button he could press that would make Luke melt—almost literally.

"Daddy... oh f-fuck!" He whimpered squeezing his eyes shut. Ashton's headboard banging against the wall echoed with Luke's moans and Ashton purred. "Can I cum? Please please? I need it so bad..." he whined.

Ashton was so far past his heaven in Luke's touch now. It was ecstasy. It was fantasy. It was the boy he loved being everything he'd ever wanted in every possible way.

"Cum for me angel," Ashton purred low against his neck, and fucked him through it. Lukes eyes rolled back and he stuck out his tongue, crying out as he came all between their tummies. And if Ashton thought Luke was tight before, he was absolutely suffocating now.

"Daddy," Luke whined. "Cum inside. I trust you."

Ashton didn't last even half a second longer. He spilled deep inside Luke and hugged him close as he came down.

"Oh my god..." Ashton sighed. "Luke... you're perfect. You're everything..."

Luke whined and nodded. "'M sore..." he whimpered.

"Let's get you a bath, angel. Get you all cleaned up. Lemme take care of you," Ashton kissed his cheeks and whispered to him.

"Mkay daddy..." Luke cuddled him. And Ashton took care of him that night. Giving both of them a chance to feel needed in a different way.

Ashton was always sure, but even more convinced that he owed Luke everything. Just in a way he would spend a lifetime trying to repay. But he knew Luke was right. Love wasn't currency cause money dries up. But this. This felt like forever. He promised himself he would never shy away from Luke's protection or love ever again.


	4. Be Mine

Ashton helped Luke put on his angel uniform the next morning. Luke subsequently helped Ashton put in his devil uniform. They had begun carpooling when Ashton started going back to work the week before. He was relieved to have that. It made the mornings more tolerable.

And Luke had proved to be so valuable. He'd make them coffee in the morning. And he'd kiss Ashton and tell him soft things about how nice he looked in his uniform. He'd hold Ashton's hand while he drove. Soft reassuring things really added up in Ashton's book.

This morning the sun shone a little brighter. Luke hadn't fixed his grief by any means, but he helped him. Ashton could function enough to go back to work. To support Lauren and Harry. Though recently it was a lot more of Luke's support than anything else.

Ashton hugged him close before he went down stairs to get the kids their breakfasts before they left for work. "Hey," He whispered. "Good morning..." he kissed Luke sweetly.

"Morning, daddy," Luke whispered softly with a blush on his face. "Sleep good?"

"About normal... but it's okay. It was a good night."

Luke smiled that sweet bunny smile. "I'm so glad. Maybe tonight I'll give you a massage so you can sleep better," he rubbed Ashton's chest.

"I'd like that," Ashton hummed. "As long as I can get a little more of this." He pinched Luke's bum, and much to his enjoyment Luke squeaked and blushed harder.

"Let's go make some breakfast. I want eggs and spinach. But the kind you make, daddy. I'll chop the garlic for you."

Ashton could see what Luke was doing from a mile away. But it was nice to be needed even for something this small. He looked forward to it.

"Are you making fun of my knife skills?" Ashton teased.

"No I'm just saying the pieces of garlic will be perfect if _I_ cut them. Remember who played _Cookie Mama_ , darling," Luke cooed heading down stairs.

"Wait is that a yes for tonight though?"

Ashton didn't get an answer, because Harry was sitting at the kitchen counter with a blue piece of paper in front of him. He was staring at it intently.

"Mornin' Hazza," Luke cooed brightly and kissed Harry's temple. "How are you this morning, handsome?"

Harry's brows were furrowed but he looked at Luke with big eyes. "I got my school supplies list in the mail yesterday."

"Why do you look so upset about it then, bubba?" Luke hummed leaning on the counter to look at the list.

"It was something Mumma and I always did," Harry sighed.

"I see," Luke furrowed his brows then as well. Ashton sat beside Harry and messed with his hair. "Well that did you guys do to make it special?"

"She'd take Laur Ashy and I out to eat, and shop at all of our favorite stores. She'd make it a super duper fun day."

"I bet she did," Luke softened. "Maybe we could do that again. Let me and Ashy take you guys out. I'm not your mumma, but maybe we could have fun in her name?" Luke suggested in that soft warm way Luke normally did.

Ashton was speechless for a second at Luke's power and warmth. God acted like Luke, he knew He had to. Luke was too benevolent. "I think that sounds pretty fun to me," Ashton nudged Harry's shoulder with his own. "What do you think, bud?"

"Okay," Harry nodded. "I need a lot of stuff though."

"Don't worry about that, Haz. We'll get you your school stuff," Ashton promised.

Luke kissed Harry's forehead and started cutting the garlic for their eggs. "Ashy and I are makin spinach and eggs you want that, bubby?"

Harry nodded. "Can I have it on a sandwich please?"

"Of course, angel," Luke nodded.

Ashton started making them coffee in the mean time. "Who wants juice?"

"I do!" Luke cooed.

"I do, too," Harry echoed.

"Two juices and a cappuccino for you, Lu?" Ashton hummed.

"Mhmm!" Luke nodded his whole head and Ashton didn't know why he got heart eyes for him.

"Cutie." Ashton smacked his bum, and Luke squeaked.

"Not in front of Harry," Luke whispered softly.

Ashton giggled and turned to his brother, "sorry, Haz."

They were out for work in the next thirty minutes and Luke spent the morning kissing all over Ashton, leaving shiny lipgloss prints on him. "Oh daddy... 'M gonna miss this pretty face."

"Right back at ya baby..." Ashton cooed. "I'll come over for lunch. Bring you a sandwich, on the house."

"I love you," Luke whispered against his lips.

"I love you more," Ashton sighed rubbing Luke's bum. "You really mean what you told Harry today?"

"What do you mean?" Luke furrowed his brows and cocked his head.

"That you'd shop with us, doing all the shit my mum did?" Ashton cooed.

"Of course. It's what I'd want if I lost my mumma. She and I go on road trips together every year. I'd want a close friend to come with me if something ever happened to her. But I'd always think of her. Make it her celebration of the time we had."

That sat with Ashton as he walked into work. A celebration of the dead. Something other than mourning the loss. It seemed almost so obvious, yet he'd missed it entirely. It was one of the stages of grief—probably acceptance—and his interpretation had blurred it out to be a simple shrug. There is death, and it is what it is. But maybe it was more.

Luke seemed so well versed in grief, he knew things even the grieving didn't.

Calum was actually there on time that day. He noticed the lipgloss smudged all over Ashton's face and smirked.

"Well morning, Casanova," Calum smirked. "Have a nice car ride?" He winked. Ashton could tell everyone was walking on eggshells around him recently, so they were holding off on teasing too bad—for now at least.

Ashton smirked. "I did actually."

"What's it like living with Barbie?"

"It's a dream."

"Not many people move in with their significant others after two months." Calum smirked. "You're moving fast, even if we were ranking it by lesbian standards."

"What can I say? I'm a Cancer. I'm not afraid of commitment."

"Especially to another Cancer," Calum mumbled under his breath.

"Exactly."

"I guess I could imagine living with Mikey," Calum hummed. "Just later. Maybe wait till our relationship is old enough to eat solid food."

"Laugh it up, but I'm actually really happy having Luke around," Ashton cooed.

"Well I guess that's what really counts," Calum smiled softly.

"Sentimental fuck," Ashton smirked. "You used to call me a simp for that bullshit."

"I've grown soft in my old age," Calum hummed.

"You get your dick wet on a regular basis and suddenly you have a sunny disposition?" Ashton raised his eyebrows. "I can't believe my eyes."

Calum smirked, "believe it. I'm a new man."

"Jack must be lonely being the only one without a date," Ashton hummed. "Maybe Luke and Michael have a friend?"

"I don't want to expose any of Michael's or Luke's friends to Jack. Besides last I heard he was talking to some girl from _Inferno Ink_."

Ashton hummed. "Good for him then."

"Bad for her," Calum teased.

"Yeah, maybe," Ashton smirked. "But the same thing could be said about Luke and I. Good for me, bad for him."

"I think that boy really loves you," Calum hummed. "Which I didn't like when I first met him cause I thought he was way out of your league."

"Yeah?" Ashton hummed.

"I still do by the way."

"Yeah."

"But you seem..." Calum searched for the word, " _better_ than I expected you'd be when I heard what happened. It seems like you two really have something good. A real partnership. Mikey tells me how Luke talks about you in the most gentle way. If you were looking for the one, man, I think you found him."

Ashton smiled.

Luke insisted that that Saturday would be the day of school shopping for the kids. "Luke you really don't have to pay for this... I'll feel horrible." Ashton begged him in their room while Harry and Lauren were getting ready.

"Ashy," Luke cooed and rubbed his chest sweetly. "You have a lot to worry about. I've been saving up to help you all I can." Luke cooed.

"I don't want charity..."

"It's not charity. It's love. It's care for you and wanting to see the people I love happy. Let me give you things your family deserves."

"I think they're pretty much your family, too, at this point. You've done so much for us."

"Even more of a reason to give," Luke hummed. "You have to accept now."

"I hate you sometimes." Ashton narrowed his eyes.

"I love you back, daddy baby," Luke kissed him so sweetly.

Harry and Lauren spent the day in the mall looking for school outfits, and loading down both Ashton and Luke with shopping bags.

"Oh Ashy, please can I have this makeup palette?" Lauren begged holding up a burgundy red eyeshadow palette.

"Laur, you gotta talk to Luke about that,"

"Sure angel, how much is it?" Luke cooed obviously not actually caring about the price, and picked one up for himself.

"Lu," Lauren perked up, "can I do your makeup when we get home? I think you could help me jumpstart my makeup business."

"Oh, of course! I'll happily be a model for you, sweetest," Ashton grinned. "besides it'll look good on my resume when you make it big," Luke winked.

Lauren gushed.

Ashton held Luke's hand with his own free one. "You're so sweet. Let's makeout in the photo booth..."

Luke giggled and nodded, giving Lauren and Harry money for one of the pretzel shops. Ashton tugged him into the booth and attacked him with kisses, and Luke laughed into them kissing him back. "Let's take some..." he whispered onto Aston's lips and as always they tasted like bubblegum.

Ashton fed the machine the money it wanted and hugged Luke in his lap—he found it was the most comfortable position. "The camera loves you angel," Ashton purred pointing to Luke's reflection in the screen.

Luke posed draped around Ashton, clearly knowing his angles. "Hot bitch..." Ashton murmured under his breath, and gripped Luke's bum harder.

Luke gasped and moaned, kissing him Hard and tugging at his hair. "Call me a bitch more often..." he sighed. "I love it..."

Ashton nodded slowly, dumbfounded. The last photos captured that, and Luke hurried out to collect their photo sets. Ashton thought they were the perfect way to describe their relationship in five photos. "You're so beautiful in these," Ashton gushed.

"An excuse for you to save them forever..." Luke cooed and stuck his in his back pocket. Ashton stuck his hand in Luke's back pocket, too.

They finally made it over to eat at a sushi place and sat at a table that wasn't set around a Teppanyaki. Harry and Lauren had convinced Luke—but had been unsuccessful in making Ashton believe—that their mother took them here every year when they were school shopping. But he let it slide cause he knew it was probably just a good memory for them.

"So what did she order when she came here?" Luke cooed looking at the menu with Lauren and Harry. They pointed out various sushi rolls that they recognized and Ashton planned what he was gonna order but Luke steered him away from his menu.

"Help me with these and I'll owe you a big favor," Luke offered pointing to the various rolls and sashimi on the ordering paper.

"Anything I want?" Ashton wiggled his brows.

"Yeah, anything."

Ashton smiled. "You convinced me."

Luke rolled his eyes fondly at Ashton's obviously flirtatious undertones and ordered the rolls when the waitress came.

"So tell me what else did you guys do?" Luke smirked.

"She'd take us for ice cream and let us get two scoops of any flavor we wanted." Harry cooed excitedly.

"You know you're talking to a frozen yogurt fiend right?" Luke teased him laughably playing up his attachment to yogurt over ice cream. "But I guess we can go to an ice cream bar..." he shrugged teasingly at them. Then dropped his voice to a whisper: "Better toppings anyways."

Lauren giggled, and ordered a double scoop of fudge brownie. Harry got a double scoop of peanut butter with the Reese's pieces all over it. Ashton sweet talked his way into getting a triple scoop of coffee with chocolate shavings in it.

"The extra scoop is for mumma. It was her favorite," Ashton hummed sweetly to Luke and kissed his cheek when he got his cone. It might have been ceremonially for her, but Ashton was still gonna end up with it.

Luke got bubblegum with pop rocks on it. "I bet that's really good," Ashton cooed.

"Wanna bite?" Luke held out his cone.

"Mhmm... it's good!"

It was not good. Or it was, but it wasn't Ashton's taste. But he smiled at how happy it made Luke. He made Luke sit on his lap on the benches overlooking the water.

The sun was setting, and it was the perfect day in the city. The air was cooling slightly the later it got, and Ashton felt at peace.

"Did you guys have a good day?" Luke looked at Lauren and Harry.

They nodded, and Lauren looked at Luke. "I know it seems dumb to have a school shopping day, but it's like a second Christmas to us."

"Mumma always made sure that even if she couldn't afford it throughout the year, she always tried to go big for two things: Christmas and school shopping," Ashton cooed.

"Oh baby," Luke softened and looked at Lauren. "I don't think that's dumb. I think it's lovely. School shopping is still one of my favorite things, I see why it's a big deal." He held her hand. "And it's a big memory you spent with your mumma. That's never dumb."

Lauren nodded and looked at her feet.

"And you guys had a good time today. That's _good_." Luke played with Harry's hair.

"Really?" Harry sniffled.

"Of _course_ , angel!" Luke sat between the two of them and hugged them. "Your mumma would be happy to know that you had a good day today. She'd love it."

"I feel so guilty..." Lauren whispered in a small voice. And Ashton felt his heart sink.

"If she went to those lengths while she was here, to give you a good day, to make you happy, then she would definitely want to see you happy without her. I didn't know her, but I know you guys. All three of you are full of love and compassion and light. Little human sunbeams. Your happiness, your optimism, your love... you are all beautiful and you deserve happiness. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You can be happy. You can remember your mumma and still enjoy the things you enjoyed with her. It's okay to have a good time. It's okay to celebrate her memory. It's okay to make memories after she's gone. She would want you to, if she's anything like you."

Ashton rubbed Lauren's back, to console her where she was crying on Luke's shoulder.

"It's okay to be sad to move on too," Luke whispered. "I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but I _can_ tell everything you feel is perfectly valid. But at the same time, don't let yourself hold guilt for the times that you're happy. Feeling guilty is just a way to lengthen your suffering and she wouldn't want that..."

Ashton was crying at this point, too.

"So celebrate the old times you had with her. Create new memories in those places. Keep the traditions. Carry on. It's okay... it's okay."

***

Ashton would remember that speech. He'd remember the taste of the air, and the ice cream and the tears. The feeling of the hot pavement and in the cool evening. How soft Luke's hand was in his on the way home. He remembered all of it.

And it hurt him. It would come in waves of pain and grief, even years after the accident. Even after he'd grown accustomed to Luke not being around. Even when he'd realized he'd now spent more years without Luke, just since his death, than he'd ever spent with him. That cut him like a knife to the gut.

He sat at the cemetery with the cone of ice cream that had triggered the memory. Bubblegum with pop rocks. He sighed and teared up.

"Hey, Lu..." he whispered through the welled up tears. "I keep trying to like this damn ice cream... I think your tastebuds were off." He teased. But the stone didn't answer. "Or maybe it's mine. I'll keep trying though... see what all the fuss is about."

He lowered his head at the silence of the headstone. He was vaguely aware of a bird in the trees around him, calling for its mate with no response. "It's hard today... I keep thinking about how we met..." he bit his lip. "I know that if you were here you'd tell me the perfect thing to make it all better, but... it's hard today." He repeated, feeling the pain from the lump in his throat.

"I miss you," he hissed and let the tears fall to the grass below him. "I know it's gonna get better again. It always does. I just wish it wasn't without you. So... I'm just gonna sit here for a while. Spend some time with you..." his tears poured like waterfalls and it was a struggle to keep his voice even. So he didn't speak.

He sat by the headstone in silence as the afternoon wore on and was comforted—not for the first time—by the fact that Luke at least got a hell of a view of the sunset every evening.


	5. Always and Forevermore

Ashton went home that evening. He cut on every light around him, fed Petunia, cooked dinner for himself. He poured a drink, watered the plants. Same routine every night. Same thing for the man who's all alone.

He was so alone.

He noticed the California Jade plant Luke had insisted they get, was now wilting and shriveled up like it was dying. And Ashton couldn't tell why. He'd read up on how to care for jade plants. Nothing he tried was working to save it. He thought it was fitting that what Luke had asked for, was resistant to Ashton's attempt to keep it alive. Luke really did leave reminders everywhere.

He cut on the tv but didn't pay attention to it. It was just something to do. He could go find Lauren or Harry. But they were probably asleep by now.

He cuddled with Petunia. She was a constant reminder of Luke. Luke was the reason they got her, and Luke was the reason the two stayed together. Every time Ashton thought of the depression Petunia had sunk into for the first month after the accident, he ached for her.

So he rarely tried to remember that—for countless reasons.

Footsteps made Petunia's ears perk up and Ashton turned toward it. "Hey Haz," Ashton smiled. "You're still up, buddy?"

"Yeah. I've been reading," Harry cooed. "I'm re-reading _Harry Potter_."

Ashton smirked and made room for him on the couch.

"Sometimes I forget how much I hate Umbridge."

Ashton chuckled. "She's probably the worst person of all time."

"Why does she clear her throat like that?"

Ashton shook his head laughing. "Added effect I guess. To make us want her to suffer more."

"Mission accomplished," Harry sighed and let Petunia rest her head in his lap. "How was work?"

"Where do I start?" Ashton sighed and continued rubbing petunias belly. "I think my boss is a creep."

"Ew what? What is he doing?"

Ashton sighed. "He keeps giving the other cooks raises after these long meetings in his office."

Harry raised his eyebrows.

"I have no evidence other than my gut," Ashton sighed. "I hate slime ball restaurant owners. Why does everyone have to be running drugs, or in these cult-like organizations, or just are stingy creeps in general."

"All restaurant owners are like that?" Harry asked softly.

"I'm sure not all... but the ones I know."

"Well your restaurant's gonna be different. You aren't a scum bag."

"I'm also not opening a restaurant, so," Ashton said defiantly, and there was a moment of silence.

"He wouldn't want you to give up your dream because he—."

"Harry," Ashton cut him off cause he couldn't listen to the end of that sentence. Not after today. "I know what you're trying to do. But... it's just not gonna happen."

"It was your _dream_ ," Harry pushed. And Ashton could tell he'd been thinking this for a while.

"The dream had to change."

"That's so stupid."

"If you want a restaurant so bad, _you_ open one," Ashton shrugged. "I made my choice."

"It's stupid that you act like it's your only option," Harry rolled his eyes. "I wasn't trying to fight with you, but it's your fault if you won't let yourself be happy."

"I don't wanna hear it right now, okay?" Ashton cut off the tv and wedged him self out from underneath Petunia. "Look. It's been a long day. I need to go get rest. I appreciate what you said, but I can't listen to it. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry..." Harry echoed moodily.

Ashton rubbed his back. "It's late. You staying up much longer?"

Harry shrugged. "Maybe."

"Try to get some sleep..." Ashton said softly ruffling His not-so-little brother's hair. "I don't wanna have to drag you out of bed in the morning."

Harry nodded and left Ashton alone. And Ashton felt like shit.

He went into his room and collapsed holding his pillow like it was Luke. Like Luke was just asleep, and if he tried hard enough, he could believe he was asleep this whole time.

But he wasn't. And the two years had only made Ashton feel more like a shell of a human, than a real human. He had a new job, a new car, Lauren and Harry were in a new school each. He was supposed to be happy now.

Ashton instead found himself performing the same tasks everyday. Wake up, take the kids to school, go to work, visit Luke, come home. Over and over and over. He felt like he was living a loop. But this was past grieving. This is what acceptance looked like right now.

He knew Luke would hate it.

His new job was nothing special either. He was a cook at a seafood joint on the outskirts of the city. He didn't care for seafood all that much so he was indifferent towards the actual food. But he'd take anything at this point.

Though Luke had always liked the table rolls. He thought of him every time he made them. Mostly cause the measurements of flour and shit had to be scooped and scraped. It at least made him smile to think about the times Luke had teased him about it.

"I thought you didn't like measurements, huh, big guy?" Luke had cooed leaning over the bar looking through the order up window, where Ashton's station was conveniently located next to.

Ashton couldn't talk back while he was on duty, but he flashed him a glance that would have meant a playful, "shut up."

Luke gasped. "Is that a teaspoon I see in your hands? It's like I don't even know who you are anymore!"

Ashton glared at him itching to talk back. But seized his opportunity when no one was looking, Ashton flicked flour in Luke's direction. It settled on the floor beside him getting nowhere near Luke, but he'd made his point.

"Well if that's the way you feel, expect no complaint to any chef... actually compliments to _every_ chef, except the one who looks like my fiancé."

Ashton gave Luke a playful "eat shit" look, and Luke waved to him over his cocktail.

Ashton fucked Luke senseless that night. He knew it was what Luke wanted, so he delivered. They didn't even make it to the bed, just barely inside the bedroom, and Luke was already begging for it.

He had Luke covered in carpet burns and love bites, and his bum speckled with bruises and pink patches. Ashton was relentless when it came to Luke. He gave that subby boy everything he knew he wanted and it made him whine and scream on the floor.

"Fuckin brat... you only riled me up cause you wanted this didn't you?"

"Uh-huh!" He whined. "Wanted your c-cock..."

Ashton's stomach flipped. "Well you got it now, little slut. What are you gonna do with it?" Ashton teased, and it worked like a charm.

Luke answered by pushing his hips back harder and whining that Ashton wasn't going hard enough. But Ashton had only eased up so that when Luke got greedy, he'd _really_ go to work and make him see stars.

"Yes! Oh fuck, daddy!"

Ashton ate that shit up cause he loved hearing Luke swear.

He pulled Luke toward him by his jaw so his back would arch and Ashton could get so deep. Luke was seemingly a professional at being fucked, so he was moaning like a porn star and pushing back as much as he could, but his body was shuddering.

"Yes, daddy!" Luke kept repeating over and over. Ashton yanked Luke's hands behind his back and could see the dark pink carpet burns on his elbows. He growled and went as fast as he could. "M gonna cum!!" His angel squeaked.

Those were the words Ashton lived for. He kept it up, fucking him through it until Luke spilled all over his soft tummy.

Ashton flipped him over and came on Luke's tongue and cheeks, admiring how he'd made Luke's mascara run earlier.

"Oh bunny..." Ashton panted softly. "You're so pretty like this." He sighed and took a picture of him with his big swollen sex lips, and his messy blonde curls and how dazed and happy he looked for a second.

"Daddy," Luke sighed in the most innocent voice. "My elbows hurt..."

"I know angel. Here... let daddy make them feel better, okay?"

Luke nodded and his lip pouted a little. But Ashton was already in the process of picking him up and whispering soft things to him. He drew Luke a bath full of sweet smelling oils and bubbles and milks and teas, had Luke sit on his lap in the tub so he wouldn't hurt as bad.

He washed the subby boy's hair and dried him of with the fluffiest and softest towel they had. He put lotion and and ointment on Luke's knees and elbows and took care of his curls.

"Which pajamas would you rather have, baby? The matching set? Or the one with shorts?" Ashton cooed.

"Shorts." Luke rubbed his eyes. "Can I wear one of your shirts instead, daddy? Pwease?"

Ashton melted cause Luke only broke out the baby voice sometimes. Master manipulator.

"Yeah baby. Of course. Your choice."

Luke chose Ashton's favorite Harley Davidson t-shirt and grinned with happy blushy cheeks when he was dressed. "Smells like daddy."

Ashton grinned with butterflies in his belly at how much he loved this boy, "let's get you some dinner, princess."

Ashton carried Luke downstairs and let him sit on the counter while he made them food. He offered some to the kids when they filtered through to see what the smell was. They all talked about their day. The little mundane details were lost to time but Ashton remembered being so happy.

He also remembered that he'd fuck Luke again before bed that night, and he'd make the angel forget how to speak.

He sat at the bar where Luke had sat before, peering at the same work station. If he looked hard enough he could see the flour on the ground. He was nursing a coke that he wished had rum in it. His shift ended almost an hour ago, but Calum wanted to meet him.

"It's been a while since we met up, been thinkin bout you, mate," the text had read. "I'm gonna be over your way tomorrow. Wanna meet at your work around 7?"

Ashton said: "Yeah, man. See you then."

It was 6:45.

He was hoping this wouldn't last much longer. He didn't think he could handle another bought of memories. He knew he should take Harry's advice. He knew he should take _Luke's_ advice. But he still didn't want to...

Didn't he have to want to?

Calum showed up at 6:49. "I hope you weren't waiting long."

"Nah man. Just thinkin." Ashton hugged him, and Calum hugged him back tight. And Ashton felt a little more comforted.

"How've you been?"

"Same old. Been working. I'm planning Laur's birthday party."

"Oh nice! How old is she this year?"

"Sixteen."

"Wow," Calum hummed then smiled. "Remember when we were that young?"

"I do... and I hope that she's not planning on getting drunk on alcohol that her best friend's sister had to buy for her, like we did." Ashton rolled his eyes.

"Hey Mali was cool with it!" Calum defended. "And Lauren has an older _brother_ who can buy it for her."

Ashton nodded and smirked. "Yeah, I guess she does..."

"That's my boy," Calum pat his back. "You're off right?"

"Yeah."

"You made it to see him today?"

"Not today yet. No."

"Mind if I come with? I haven't made it down there in a while."

"Okay."

The air was chilly, and Ashton was bundled up carrying flowers. Calum had bought some too and they put them in the little cup right by the headstone. They looked lovely sitting there. Luke's favorite flowers: pink roses and baby's breath.

Once they were situated he smiled. "He'd love that." Ashton hummed. "One time I brought him flowers after I picked him up from his last final of the year, and he spent three days moving them around the house. He was trying to test the lighting to see what looked the best.

Calum laughed. "Sounds like him. He loved getting things perfect."

"And by things you mean everything. Everything was Luke's way. The bed was made to his liking, the room was re-organized to look more cutesy. I let him paint the walls." Ashton cooed. "Basically if it came to design, I just let Luke have it, he was way better at it than me."

"You're probably right. I remember how your room was set up when we were teenagers. Luke definitely had a better eye than you."

"Yeah. Damn." He sighed. "Well at least he's got something pretty here. You know? We'll keep the flowers fresh. And that would keep me happy at the very least."

"Yeah man. We'll do that." Calum hummed. And then a slight lull took over the conversation. Until Calum looked up at the naked tree line. "So I think you probably know why I wanted to meet up."

Ashton nodded softly and looked at the de-bossed "Luke Robert Hemmings" on the Stone. "Yeah... I'm thinking there must be a secret group text where all of you have discussed this."

"Harry told me what happened, and I know you don't wanna hear it—."

"Cal..." Ashton tried to brush him off.

"No, just listen to what I have to say before you try to justify your way out of it," Calum said.

Ashton snapped his mouth closed.

"What the hell are you doing, man?" Calum asked. "Two years ago you had such good plans. I know cause I _saw_ them. And I know it was hard to lose Luke. I know. I can't understand, but I know. But I also know that if there was one thing Luke would want from you, it's your happiness."

Ashton teared up. "I—."

"No excuses. It's been two years. I don't even think a sadist would want you to suffer this long. So what's holding you back, man?"

Ashton couldn't say, cause he didn't know how to word the feeling in his bones.

"It's okay to talk to me, man. It's what I'm here for. But I can't give you the help you _need_ if you don't tell me what's up."

"I'm scared." Ashton bit his lip.

"Okay?" Calum hummed softly. "What's scaring you?"

"I'm scared that if I move on then... then it's like he's gone for good. It's like all the shit we did together is over, and I don't want it to be over."

Calum nodded. "I know you don't. It's hard to be at the end of something." Ashton felt Calum's hand massage his shoulder. "But you can't drag it out. At some point the book has to close."

Ashton bit his lip. "So what do I do now?"

"Well... you knew Luke the best. What would he want you to do?"

"He'd want me to celebrate him, be happy with the memories and make new ones. Stop feeling guilty for living on," Ashton said methodically so Calum wouldn't hear the tears in his voice.

"So why don't you try that?" Calum suggested softly. "Maybe we could go through some of your top memories with Luke. Visit those places? Or you could write about it? Draw... do something that helps you process it."

"You're right..." Ashton nodded.

"I know I'm right," Calum hummed gently teasing. "You're gonna get past this. The grief won't last forever. You'll find yourself again, Ash. I believe in you."

And maybe it was cause he made himself listen to Calum, the magnitude of the words washed over him all at once. He had to do something. He had to get up. Luke would want this. _He_ wanted this. He _needed_ it.

And so even though he feared this cold world without Luke, he—with the help of his friends—felt he had enough courage to take a step into the blue.


	6. A Call to Say I'm On the Way

There are exactly two days in July of massive importance to Ashton Fletcher Irwin: the 7th and the 16th. The former being the birth of himself, the latter being the birth of his most precious angel, Luke Hemmings.

Previously to their knowing the other existed, there were two separate birthdays complete with two separate parties. But after their worlds tangled in orbit, they found a new solution. Within the 9-day confines of the two separate birthdays, Ashton and Luke devised a _Franken-birthday_ where the grand celebration would be held on July 11th.

Ashton and Luke were preparing for _Franken-birthday_ for the second time in the dining room. There were party decorations scattered all over the table and their cups of steaming hot chocolate sat in their matching set. One with an "L" one with an "A"—Luke's purchase.

"So in order to feed this many people we need to make a pretty sizable amount of food." Luke stared at the paper in his hands with his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. "Can you think of something that's gonna feed all of our friends?"

Ashton rubbed Luke's silky calves where they sat in his lap. His socked feet were crossed on Ashton's thigh and he noticed Luke was wearing only Ashton's clothes. He smirked. "I dunno. Maybe call some pizzas? We'll make some cheese dip and set out fruit trays." Ashton cooed. "I'm not super obsessed with showing these people my culinary ability, we're gonna serve your brothers and fucking _Jack_. We're in college babe. They know we can't just whip out a five-course meal anytime they want."

"We did it last year," Luke raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah and you remember how stressful that was?" Ashton sighed. "And we had left overs for a month!"

"I guess you're right. I still never wanna see another mini hamburger slider ever again." Luke fake retched.

"Exactly," Ashton nodded. And looked over the list again. "But if we wanted to cook some spinach artichoke dip I mean I wouldn't say _no_..."

Luke rolled his eyes fondly and hit him on the top of the head with the papers he had in his hand. "Make up your mind."

Ashton hummed. "I think I just did. _I'll_ just eat you out before the party and tell everyone else to b-y-o-f."

Luke kicked at him playfully, but Ashton caught his feet and pried them apart. Luke giggled and tried to move his feet away but Ashton closed the gap between Luke's legs.

Luke squeaked and giggled under him, and Ashton smirked kissing all up his legs and tummy and chest to get to his neck. He tickled Luke's sides. The blond baby busted out in a fit of laughter and begged him to stop.

"I'll kill you!" Luke panted through his laughs.

"I'd like to see your scrawny ass try..." Ashton purred kissing at his neck. Luke eventually just wrapped his legs around Ashton's waist and they sat there for a minute. They chatted about how easy it would be to make the spinach and artichoke dip or something just so they wouldn't totally be copping out when Lauren walked in.

"Am I interrupting something?" She teased.

"Nope," Luke smiled a big grin at her.

"Good cause I'm here on official _Franken-birthday_ business. So keep it in your pants please, Ashy."

Ashton raised his eyebrows. "Someone's bossy today?" He reluctantly got up but pulled his chair as close to Luke's as possible. "We're listening..."

"Can I invite some of my friends over for the party? They used to go to _Yo-Heaven_ when Luke was there, and they loved him. They heard me talking about it and they wanna come."

"People remember me?" Luke giggled.

"Of course! They thought you were so funny and sweet."

"Well those are two big descriptors of Luke," Ashton chimed in.

"Simp," Luke muttered teasingly.

"Oh you better believe it baby." Ashton smirked.

"Yeah, Laur," Luke cooed. "Invite them. I can't wait to meet them."

Lauren grinned and ran off to tell her friends.

"Spinach dip will cover three more people you know..." Ashton cooed after he heard her door close.

"Fine, we'll do the spinach dip," Luke cooed teasingly. "Since it means so much to you..."

"It's half _my_ birthday, too, you know?" Ashton purred like a brat.

***

In the same chair two years later, Ashton was planning _Franken-birthday_ alone for the second time. Well maybe he wasn't alone. Michael and Calum were there to go over snacks and the guest list and all that.

"No one even cares about Franken-birthday anymore. Besides us, and even _we're_ obviously iffy about it." Ashton sighed.

Calum just stared at him with raised eyebrows and let him talk.

"Like yeah, it was important last year. But what a _pity_ party! People we didn't even know showed up just cause they heard 'oh it's that guy that died up the street, might as well drop by!' They didn't care. And _I_ don't care." Ashton crossed his arms. "Not one human being— _alive_ human being—on this earth cares about _Franken-birthday_ , so why should I?"

Calum and Michael exchanged a look and then looked back at Ashton.

"Stop looking at me like I'm crazy. I have the excuse. I came up with the idea. I can back out if I want. _I_ have the dead fiancée here."

Michael looked at his phone, possibly to check the time.

"I don't care if you think I'm a nut job. I don't want a co-birthday party party without the second birthday boy. It's too selfish, or too sad... or both. I don't want that."

Michael nodded and popped his gum, checking his nails.

"This party is just gonna be a snooze fest, or maybe a third wake for Luke. And you know after a certain point enough is enough... even for the dead. You can't throw that many 'put to rest' parties, you'll wake him _up_. That's gotta be bad cosmic karma..."

Ashton didn't have anything left to say after that, he'd pretty much talked himself to death. "You done?" Michael hummed. Ashton nodded softly. "Good. We're ordering extra large pizzas, and buying booze. Sound good?"

Ashton nodded wordlessly.

***

The amount of people that showed up astonished Ashton. Even more people than the year before, it was a knock out in the books as far as parties went.

The trays of fruit and chips and veggies lined the counters, and along the wall there were slow cookers full of dips and easy to throw together meals—"even professional cooks deserve to be lazy" was the exact quote Ashton was telling others when they asked.

Luke was the life of the party. The buzz just followed him around and Ashton watched his angel fly from person to person checking up on them, seeing if they needed something to drink. But he'd ask it with such charm and warmth that it wasn't even like he was being a waiter.

Ashton was with Jack and Calum and their mutual friend Alex over by the drink table, "Where's Holly?" Ashton cooed to Jack

"We broke up last week," Jack hummed like it wasn't a big deal.

"Oh man that sucks, I'm really sorry about that," Calum pat his back.

"Eh, it's alright. I've been feeling more in a twink phase recently anyway. Tryna get me a nice blonde sugar baby."

Ashton laughed. "What are you gonna sugar him up with? Your paycheck from Devil's Deli?"

"Hey man, laugh all you want, but money is money," Jack cooed.

"You know what you're right," Ashton hummed and clicked their red plastic cups. "Money is money."

Luke came over to check on them, and Ashton hugged him close, putting his hand in Luke's back pocket. He was wearing those tight stretchy black jeans that Ashton practically worshiped, and he leaned into Ashton's touch.

"Having a good time, my love?" He purred.

"I think we should open the presents soon," which was Luke's code for: "let's get these people out of my house as soon as humanly possible." Ashton loved that code.

It became customary with _Franken-birthday_ that two chairs sat in the middle and the presents in a pile in front of them and they'd take turns opening shit. It was how they got to be like kids on Christmas.

"Oh my god!" Luke squeaked. "A set of Copic markers?!" He checked the card. "Harry, Louis!" He sighed. "This is too much, I can't accept these!"

"Accept them, Lu," Harry—not Ashton's brother—smirked and urged in that slow voice of his. "They were on sale. Thought of you."

Luke hugged the markers close. "Thank you so much."

Ashton's turn. "Holy shit," he grinned, and put on the black Stetson. "Well I'm a cowboy now," he smirked. Then he noticed the smell of it, and the weight. "Is this authentic?" He took it off to check the label.

"It's as authentic as you can get," Niall hummed. "I know you're obsessed with Cowboy Hats. And I figured you should have the best."

Ashton put it back on and looked at Luke. "What do you think?"

Luke had soft fluttery eyes. "I think I need a drink..."

***

The third wake for Luke started out kinda rocky, but by the time the music cut on, it was a real party. Maybe he should have made Calum the DJ for every _Franken-birthday._ It suddenly became less a birthday party, and more an excuse to drink copious amounts of alcohol.

The booze was set up on the island, with the pizza boxes open, lining the counter. The lights were dimmed, there were multiple portable speakers set up everywhere, and dance music poured out of them.

Ashton was really tipsy, but not quite drink by the time his idea of the good songs came on. He, Jack—not Barakat—and Ben, moved the furniture in the living room to make a dance floor. And the people meandered there. Even Ashton's little brother.

"You can have a drink or two you know..." Ashton told him. "Just don't get drunk."

"Like you?"

"Yeah like me. You shouldn't get drunk, you're twelve," Ashton hummed. "Sorry, man."

Harry hummed. " _You_ pour me something then."

"Alright." Ashton smirked and got him some rum and Coke. "It's coke with a kick. I think you'll like it. Don't say I never did anything for you."

"It's _good_ ," Harry hummed.

"Cause you can barely taste the alcohol," Ashton smirked. "Now make sure you eat some pizza, okay bub?"

Harry nodded and Ashton watched him grab a slice.

"Holy shit, man! Great party!"

Ashton grinned at the person he didn't know yelling in his face, "Thank you!"

The music cut off and people all looked at Calum who was yelling to get their attention. "Now before we get on with the rest of the evening, I gotta bring the man of the hour on stage. Ash, come on up."

The crowd made noise to hype him up. Drunk people really were the best audiences. He went and stood beside Calum and tipped his designated party Stetson to the crowd. They cheered for some reason.

"Ash is the brain behind _Franken-birthday_ , so everyone raise a toast to him." Calum raised his red cup. "To Ashton, and to every _Franken-birthday_ party you'll ever let me throw you again."

"To Ashton!" The crowd rang out.

Ashton drank with them.

"And if you all will continue to raise your cups to the other man of the hour, who can't be here, but we're celebrating anyway. To Luke."

"To Luke," Ashton called with the crowd this time and finished his drink.

"Now in Luke and Ash's name, lets get this party _really_ started!" Calum cooed and cut the music back up.

Ashton poured himself another drink and really let himself get hammered this time.

***

"I think that went well!" Ashton cooed after the last guest left. It was nearly two in the morning, but anytime was better than not at all.

"I've never been more excited for anything to be over though," Luke cooed. "I like parties, but house parties are so stressful."

"This one was pretty fun," Ashton cooed.

"Yeah it was." Luke smiled fondly. "But I only wanted them to leave cause I wanted to give you _your_ birthday present!" He purred walking his fingers up Ashton's arm.

"Mmm actually I had a similar reason for kicking people out," Ashton kissed Luke's knuckles.

"You first?" Luke offered.

"Mkay," Ashton purred and opened one of the bottom cabinets in the kitchen and lugged out a hefty box wrapped in pink paper. "Christ this thing is heavy." He heaved it onto the counter. "For your birthday, my love."

"Oh god," Luke giggled, "what is it? Why is it so heavy?"

"Open it up!" Ashton giggled.

Luke bit his lip and looked at the card. "'Bunny, remember how you said you didn't want a big present this year and I agreed that that would probably be best? Cause I lied, and I bet you were lying, too. So happy birthday, angel. I know you'll love it. Ash xx.'" Luke grinned. "Two kisses." He grinned and set it aside, and tore open the wrapping paper. "Oh my god!! The fucking pink mixer!!" He gasped.

It was the stand mixer Luke had always talked about wanting. Luke jumped into his arms and kissed him all over.

"Daddy! Daddy! Thank you so much! I love you!" Luke cooed leaving lipstick prints on his cheeks.

Ashton grinned and rubbed his back holding Luke tight. "I love you angel. Now you can practice your pastries with something professional."

"I'm gonna make us the best breakfast tomorrow... _afternoon_."

"Okay bunny-baby. I can't wait."

"I'll need you to help me take it out of the box though."

"I'm the muscles."

"Does that make me the brains?"

"Oh definitely."

Luke liked that. He kissed him so deep and full. "Mmm, sweet talker..."

"I do what I know how to do _very_ well," Ashton purred.

"Mmm you're right... which brings me to _your_ birthday presents."

" _Presents_?"

"Only two." Luke pulled out a carefully wrapped yellow box that was a little longer than a ruler and sort of dense. "What is this?" He giggled.

"Open it, silly."

Ashton opened the card. "'Dear Ashybear, Remember when I said no big presents? Well I got you a small present. But it's a BIG one. I really think you'll love it. I love you so much, daddy-baby. Love always, your Bunny.' And you drew a little bunny! How soft," Ashton gushed. He opened the box and gasped. "Oh, oh my god, Luke..." he put the box on the counter and lifted the expensive Japanese knife. "Luke I—. Holy shit!"

Luke giggled. "You like it?"

"'Do I like it?' Luke! I love it! You knew how much I wanted this..."

"I've been saving up," Luke cooed as Ashton Ashton inspected the blade. "And that's not all..."

Ashton looked up at him with the goofiest grin. "What else could there be? I have everything I've _ever_ wanted."

Luke smirked. "Well I'll let you decide I've been wearing a plug with a bunny tail on it all night. I also waited all night for everyone to go home so I could put _these_ on," Luke put on the pink and white bunny ears and cooed.

Ashton nearly fell on the floor. "Jesus fuck. You've been wearing a plug? In _those_ jeans.

"Mhmm. Just for you daddy. To tell you happy birthday..."

"If this is just for a birthday, I can't wait to see our wedding night," he growled, and chased Luke upstairs.

***

Ashton woke up fully clothed in his bed after the rager. He wasn't even inside the covers just draped over the bed with a blanket huddled haphazardly around his shoulders. He also had the most killer headache of his life.

His phone was on charge and he had 2 new voicemails. He took the aspirin and drank from the glass of water someone left on his nightstand. He listened to the voicemails.

"Hey Ash, man, it's Cal. I wanted to let you know not to worry. Mikey and I made it home safe. You got pretty drunk so it's probably gonna be tomorrow before you hear this. I also practically fought a very drunk Barakat to make sure you got the leftover pizza. It's in the fridge. Also I think your brother got a _little_ heavy handed with the rum last night. But don't worry I got him to bed alright. Made him drink some water. He'll be fine. Anyway I gotta go to bed myself. I love you, bud. Happy _Franken-birthday_."

Ashton smiled and saved the message.

"Hey Ash, this is yourself drunk calling. And I'm calling myself to let myself know that this party was the best thing _ever_! Also I wanted to remind you to call Calum and Mikey to make sure they made it home, cause of cosmic karma and shit. Don't wanna have another party caused accident. Anyway. I hope you're good. Also while we're thinkin bout Luke: go ahead and just use the fuckin mixer, man. He's not gonna kill you if you touch his stuff. He might haunt you if you ruin it or whatever, but you can use it. It's alright dude. Anyway. I'm on my way to bed again. And I think this message is gonna end soo—."

Ashton sighed and held his finger over the button to delete it but saved it instead. Drunk Ashton maybe knew what he was talking about.

Ashton checked on Harry and Lauren, who were both peacefully in their beds. He opened the fridge and saw the pizza box at an angle so it could fit. He got a slice and ate it cold.

He'd need to thank Calum and Michael big time. They even cleaned up a lot of the mess for him. And love wasn't currency, but Ashton knew that those two boys loved him a pretty hefty amount.

Maybe there were three human beings— _alive_ human beings—that cared about _Franken-birthday_ after all.


	7. A Static Silhouette

"How many people are with you, sir?" The woman at the ticket booth of the autumn carnival had asked.

"Uh, just one other person," Ashton cooed, smiling nervously and waited for her to hand him his tickets. He turned around and looked at Luke where he was reading all the signs for the rides and shops and sights.

The woman handed Ashton all the tickets he'd need and Luke rushed over to him. His pretty red scarf tail trailed behind him and he held Ashton's hand with the cutest and most angelic blush on his cheeks.

"They've got all these cool rides and games and little shops where we can buy airbrushed shirts," Luke cooed.

"You want an airbrushed shirt?"

"If it's pink, maybe," Luke giggled.

"A pink airbrushed shirt, got it..." Ashton cooed. "What would the design be."

"Lots of hearts and bubble letters that say 'bunny.'"

"Alright," Ashton smirked. "And how many stuffies do you want?"

"Mmm depends on how many you're gonna win for me, big guy..." Luke grinned.

"Depends on how rigged the games are."

"I'm pretty sure you can beat any game."

"Baby I hate to break it to you, but I suck at most games." Ashton giggled.

"I don't believe you... you're gonna have to put your tickets where your mouth is, daddio."

"I am, am I?" Ashton smirked.

"Uh-huh."

"Well we'll just see won't we?"

And what they saw was that Ashton was almost entirely hopeless at Ring Toss, but he _was_ actually pretty good at Knock Over The Milk Bottles. He won Luke a medium sized pink bear.

Luke gushed. "It's cause I believed in you. I put good karma on you. You're welcome." Luke took the bear and moved on to the spinning cups ride. "I don't think you wanna ride with me on this one," Luke hummed. "I'm a little crazy.

"I _like_ crazy..."

"Your funeral," Luke hummed and when the ride started he spun the center wheel faster than Ashton had ever known it could go and helped him out with it, laughing as the ride itself spun them in a huge circle, lifting their seats and lowering them again to really disorient them.

Ashton kept looking at the laughing angel sitting next to him. He had never seen such joy. It made him wanna hug him close forever. His soft baby. His bunny.

Ashton felt the urge to profess his undying love right then, but feared it wasn't the right moment. He was of course right about that, but the mind thinks silly things when it's in love.

When the ride stopped, they were both very wobbly and giggly. They tried to keep each other steady but when Luke fell against the fence laughing Ashton determined that they should probably find a place to sit for a while.

"You know what I want more than anything?" Luke gushed.

Ashton raised his eyebrows.

"Some hot chocolate," Luke cooed. "They're selling it in one of those stands, I think. Also cotton candy."

"Cotton candy? It's April? They're still selling it when it's this cold?"

"Of course! Warm cotton candy straight from the spinner?" Luke smiled in ecstasy, and Ashton knew he would be purchasing cotton candy. "Plus I don't think cotton candy ever goes out of season..."

"You're probably right," Ashton purred. "Why not combine the two? Cotton Candy hot chocolate?"

Luke made a disgusted face. "You're sick..."

"You know like cotton candy marshmallows in the drink itself," Ashton giggled.

"Eww don't talk to me! Yuck!" Luke wrinkled his nose but was hiding a smile.

"So what makes pop rocks so good, but not hot chocolate?"

"With cotton candy? _Everything!_ pop rocks are so neutrally flavored that you're getting them for the added effect. The combo of chocolate cotton candy is repulsive cause its two strong flavors." Luke explained. "How am I telling _you_ this? Haven't you been in classes longer than me?"

"Cause I don't think like that. I see two flavors that _you_ say don't go together, and it's automatically my job to put them together."

"You're insane. You're gonna make yourself puke."

"Or I'll prove you wrong," Ashton smirked cockily.

"Fat chance," Luke rolled his eyes fondly. "But if you wanna play iron chef then by all means, play."

"Oh I will," Ashton hummed happily, and bought Luke hot chocolate, cotton candy, and a pretzel. And Luke was back to his subby self again, cuddled next to him at the table.

"Mmm thank you, daddy!" Luke cooed.

"Anytime, angel," Ashton cooed.

"You don't think I'm fat right?"

"Of course not." Ashton said without hesitation. He'd learned to be quick about that.

"I wanna get my shirt soon." Luke hummed dipping the pretzel in nacho cheese.

"Yeah baby of course, we'll go after we're done," Ashton was holding the bear the cotton candy, the hot chocolate and the nacho sauce for Luke. He couldn't reach into his pockets to pay for the shirt yet.

"I love carnival food," Luke cooed and swung his feet happily.

"I know baby," Ashton cooed.

"Wanna bite of my pretzel?" He asked sweetly. His eyes were so sweet and soft and Ashton dreamed of their life together from that alone.

"Yeah, of course," Ashton melted. Luke He swore as soon as he could get rid of all this stuff he was gonna kiss all over that boy.

"You can have the rest of it, daddy," Luke cooed sweetly. His hair was shining gold in the sunset as he got the cotton candy from Ashton's arm.

"Will you feed it to me? My hands are full," Ashton hummed in an equally soft voice, with a smile that showed his dimples in a pleasing way.

"Uh-huh. Do you want nacho sauce?" Luke's voice was just barely the baby voice, it was so little and sweet sounding He could melt even in the cold.

"Yes, thank you," Ashton hoped Luke could hear the fondness in his voice. He practically had cartoon hearts floating around his head.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Luke asked, and Ashton could see the blush that Luke had applied before, deepening.

"Nothing..." Ashton blushed too, and smiled the sweetest smile he knew. "Just thinking about how pretty you are."

"You're such a simp..." Luke whispered and looked at him.

"Maybe..." Ashton cooed.

"Here," Luke broke off a piece of pretzel and fed it to him with the nacho sauce on it. He cuddled close to Ashton as he fed him, and Ashton could smell his soft rose perfume.

Luke even fed him some cotton candy and licked the sugar off his fingers. They shared everything now. Not just the cotton candy, hot chocolate, and pretzels. But even when they weren't huddled at a carnival table they shared meals and a bed and a mortgage—unofficially, Luke helped.

And the more he shared and the more time he spent with Luke, he knew it was true. Ashton had fallen hard. And there was no stopping it. Like a meteor that had already entered the atmosphere. And he hoped maybe Luke had fallen just as hard as him

***

Ashton, Michael and Calum stood at the sign at the entrance of the spring carnival three-and-a-half years later. "I wanna see the haunted house," Michael hummed excitedly.

"I can't believe they have one," Calum cooed. "The one Halloween themed thing in town."

"No earlier I saw a section for costumes in the store," Ashton teased. "Right next to the swimsuits and the Christmas shirts"

" _Two_ Halloween themed things? Talk about globalization." Calum cooed.

Loud Christmas music played from the overhead speakers as they walked along the path of carnival games and vender kiosks lit by the decorative white Christmas lights.

"Halloween stuff! It's like they knew I'd be here!" Michael gushed. "Happy early birthday to me!"

Calum chuckled. "Don't worry kitty, we're goin to the haunted house. I'll even hold your hand if you get scared. Same goes for you, Ash!"

"You think you're so funny," Ashton rolled his eyes fondly.

"I'm funnier than you," Calum smirked.

"Cocky fuck," Ashton flicked him off and Calum smiled.

"I don't get scared," Michael said sweetly.

"Mikey, you know that's a lie, babe." Calum cooed.

"What? No it's not I never get scared when we watch any of the _Paranormal Activity_ movies." Michael cooed.

"Cause the _Paranormal Activity_ movies aren't scary," Calum cooed.

"Can't you just let me live in a fantasy world?"

"You're right kitty," Calum sighed. "You've never been scared before. And I've never had to kill a spider for you."

"That's true. I kill the spiders _for_ you," Michael retorted.

Ashton watched them with a fond smile. "Is this how Luke and I sounded?" he giggled.

"Sometimes," Michael hummed.

"Annoying isn't it?" Calum raised his brows teasingly.

"I was thinking it was kinda nice."

Calum smiled softly and hugged Michael's waist from behind. "Yeah, I guess it is. But I know we're still annoying"

"In the best way." Ashton hummed.

The haunted house was surprisingly crowded. But it was almost Halloween after all. They all cashed in some tickets and waited. Ashton stared at all the fake gore and broken boards of the rickety attraction, thinking that it brought some realism to the actual attraction. And when they were finally permitted inside, Ashton stayed close to them.

The house itself was cheap, but dark. And sometimes, Ashton had to admit his heart raced. Like when he saw moving figures against an already dark background.

"And when the guy jumped out with the chainsaw, I swear my life flashed before my eyes," Michael recounted waking out with a big smile.

"For me it was the sadistic fuckin laugh." Calum grimaced, "Sick fuck, who the hell laughs like that?"

"Someone who gets paid minimum wage to be a carnie," Ashton giggled. "I could laugh like that if I was being paid for it."

"Remind me never to give you money again." Calum continued to shudder. "I hate Halloween."

"You're such a spoil sport." Michael pouted, "I love Halloween."

"I mean I _like_ it, but damn. I just don't think I like the borderline psychotic acting."

Michael cuddled up to him as they walked, rubbing his shoulders. "Aww. Poor baby," he gushed. "Will you still dress up with me for Halloween though?"

"Sure."

"Good cause I already have the costumes. I'm gonna be D.Va and you're Soldier 76."

"Mmm," Calum nodded in understanding.

"Ash, you could be McCree if you want?" Michael offered And then lit up like it was the best idea ever.

Ashton was vaguely aware of the Overwatch characters Michael was talking about. "Yeah okay, sure."

"Please say 'it's high noon' in a menacing Texan accent," Michael cooed in excitement.

"No, you're getting a sick pleasure out of this, Mike."

"It's so fucking funny..." Michael grinned. "You'd _literally_ be him."

"The both of you can fuck off." Ashton rolled his eyes.

"Hey I didn't say anything!" Calum cut in.

"You even have the cowboy hat!" Michael giggled gleefully. "Please grow a beard..."

"I _can't_ grow a beard," Ashton rolled his eyes as they got in line for the Gravitron.

"Then please grow stubble," Michael giggled. "I'll pay you."

"My facial hair follicles are not for sale!" Ashton responded dramatically, but the phrase itself made him laugh.

"Oh my god, I just remembered something Luke told me a while ago," Calum laughed and pointed to the Ferris Wheel. Ashton already knew where this was going and he sighed at the laughter. "Didn't you propose to Luke in front of a Ferris wheel one time?"

"God not you, too. I thought the only living witness to tease me relentlessly about that was dead."

"That's wack man..."

"Hey, I was in love."

"I feel sorry for Luke honestly," Calum teased.

"Yeah well don't. He never has to remember it again."

Calum kept laughing. And even Ashton smiled at that. The Ferris wheel looked the same, even if it was nearly four years later.

" _Six white boomers, snow white boomers, racing Santa Claus through the midday sun..._ " the speakers rang as they all three got admitted onto the ride.

Ashton could smell the cotton candy and thought very fondly of the first carnival trip again. He'd been thinking of it a lot, as he always did every time the carnival was in town.

" _On his Australian run..._ "

***

Ashton got Luke's "Bunny" shirt, and won him more stuffies by trying his hand at a few more rigged games. He hit it big—literally—at the strength test, and could find the ball under the cup at the magic table. He even played another round of Milk Bottles cause he knew he could get it.

He won Luke four stuffed animals in total a bear, a a bunny, another bear, and a penguin. All pink. They were each named: "Angel, Usagi, Sakura, and Pixie," Luke had gushed while they were loading them in the reusable bag Ashton had bought. And they weren't lonely because of the giant bag of kettle corn Luke had wanted to buy. Plus all the little trinkets they'd found.

The neon lights of the booths were lovely at night time. And the only thing lovelier was Luke. His nose was pink from the cold and little clouds of breath puffed from between his perfect glossed lips as they strolled through the rides. They'd saved most of the rides for last cause they were the best parts.

Ashton smiled at his angel. "You tryna go to the fun house?"

"And see myself in a mirror built to make me look more fat? No thank you," Luke rolled his eyes.

"'Oh baby they're made that way. You know you're not fat." Ashton hugged him close

"Doesn't mean the image won't stick in my mind..." Luke pouted at the idea.

"What if I block your view of the mirror?" Ashton suggested. "Then you never have to remember it, and you'll only remember how you look in the thin mirror—even though you're not fat and you don't need to look like the thin mirror. That sound okay?"

Luke nodded softly and Ashton kissed his pouty lips.

"Do you believe me when I tell you you're not fat?"

"Yes daddy," Luke said in his subby voice and Ashton wanted to curl up with him under a blanket and never let him be sad or pouty again.

"Do you wanna go in the fun house, or do something else?"

"Fun house."

"You sure?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay baby," Ashton held his hand and hugged him warmly while they waited to enter. The air wasn't any warmer in the funhouse, just stagnant.

Ashton made a special point to block the "fat" mirror from Luke's line of sight, and finally they made it to the real part, the place Ashton wanted to be: the mirror maze. Usually he hated them but there was just something about a carnival that makes you crave things you don't normally want.

Thankfully it worked out that there weren't a lot of people there, so the dark maze of mirrors—lit by only a few dim white lights—was left for only them as they passed through.

"I see why this place is used for movies," Luke giggled. "It's trippy."

Ashton noticed his own reflection in the mirror. He was in the shadow so he looked more obscured and dark and featureless.

But when Luke stepped into the light, his exposed skin glowed making him almost featureless in a different way. A bright way. And Ashton would forever swear that from where he was standing, the glare of the light of the mirrors gave that boy angel wings.

Ashton watched in awe until Luke turned to him with the most joyful smile. "What are you looking at?"

He kissed Luke hard, cupping his head under his ear and holding his waist tight. He bit at his lip and licked into his mouth to savor the taste of this perfect being. He only pulled away when he heard someone talking in the distance.

"What was that for," Luke panted softly.

"Nothing," Ashton whispered against his lips. "Just wanted to."

Luke smiled and held his hand all the way through.

And suddenly the damn thing was burning a hole in his pocket. He'd been close to giving it to him on the teacup ride. And then again on the bench, and then again when he was cuddling the stuffed bunny. But he'd held back.

But the stunt with the angel wings...it was over. Ashton was weak and there was only one thing on his mind. It ate him alive as they made their way to the Ferris wheel.

"Luke I have to tell you something," Ashton said to get his attention. And he did. "You know I love you right?"

"Of course," Luke hummed brightly.

"Okay good. God, the time we spent together have been some of the most intense moments of my life, I mean you helped me through my mother's death, and I owe you everything for that."

"Uh-huh..." Luke said timidly and furrowed his brows. "Wait, are you breaking up with me?"

"No!" Ashton's eyes got wide. "No no, Luke, of course not."

The angel sighed relieved, "Okay good."

"I just," Ashton pulled the ring box out of his pocket and got on one knee. "I actually wanted to do the oppos—."

Luke gasped and his eyes got wide, "no!" He whispered and Ashton stopped.

"Wait, what?"

"No," Luke whispered firmly and tried to pull his arms to stand him up. "Baby, I love you but, no. I'm not breaking up with you or anything, but stand up. People are looking."

Ashton stood up, "I don't understand. You love me right?"

"Of course I love you! But, Ashy, we've only known each other for five months..."

Ashton furrowed his eyebrows and felt like a little kid. "But we wanna spend the rest of our lives together?"

"Yes of course!" Luke sighed. "But marriage is a lot of paper work. And we're in college... and. I'm not saying no forever. Of course not. I'm gonna be Luke Irwin till the day I die. Just not yet. _Soon_."

"Soon?"

"Ask me in like six months," Luke smiled softly. "If we can know each other for a year I might have a different answer. I can't just jump into marriage. Am I making sense?"

"Yeah."

"So are we good? Do you still wanna be with me even if I say no?"

"Yes. Of course."

"Can I have a hug then, daddy?" Luke cooed.

Ashton hugged him tight, and Luke kissed him so sweetly. "Can I see the ring?"

Ashton showed him the princess cut diamond on a white gold band.

"Holy shit!" Luke's face lit up. "You can afford this?"

"I'm leasing it..."

Luke closed the box and cuddled up in Ashton's arms as they got in line for the Ferris Wheel. His angel gave him a big kiss on the cheek. "Well maybe you'll own it by the time I see it again."


	8. A Burning Cigarette In A Trashcan

It's Been a tradition every year that the Irwin's go to the beach for Christmas and New Years. the 7 day stretch between the 23rd of December and the 1st of January would be spent in a beach house near the water and they'd spend their vacation on the sand getting relaxed and tan.

Ashton was already booking the house for the next year the day they left—as was the customary ritual. Ashton had brought Luke along the year before, but he felt like no one really enjoyed it to the fullest extent even with Luke's help, because everyone was still in mourning.

But this year everyone was fresh and wide eyed. They even had a new puppy. Sweet Petunia was in her crate in the back seat and she was happily riding next to Harry.

"Is Piggy excited for her first family vacation?" Harry cooed sticking as many fingers that would fit into the grates to scratch at her arm. "She's smiling!"

The trip to the beach wasn't long—thankfully for all those squished together in the back seat. It was a good distance, but not a journey. They were there in about two hours.

"Alright, feel free to go kill each other over your rooms, but don't touch mine and Luke's." Ashton called getting the suitcases from the back.

"I call the one with the balcony!" Harry yelled as he ran in.

Lauren chased him. "You got that one _last_ year! It's _my_ turn!

"Home sweet home," Ashton sighed and grunted carrying Luke's bag, wondering what he brought that was so heavy.

"Piggy baby...we're here, angel!" Luke cooed putting Petunia's leash on her pink harness and letting the docile dog take in her new surroundings.

The inside was just as nice as normal. The house always smelled like sandalwood and the ocean, and like always there was a Christmas tree in the corner.

"Alright you guys know the rules no going to the beach without me or Luke., Alright?"

Lauren pouted. "I'm thirteen now, I know how to swim..."

"You do, do you?" Ashton hummed, "well, I still want you with me or Luke. Like the buddy system."

"Or a prison warden."

"I resent that," Ashton furrowed his brows. "It's gonna be fun!"

"its gonna be fun," Lauren hummed with anything less than enthusiasm and Ashton sighed.

Ashton found Luke and Petunia in the master bedroom. Luke was putting away both his and Ashton's clothes in the dressers and setting up all his accessories on the vanity. Ashton wolf-whistled at him. "Hey hottie. You wanna be _my_ housewife?"

Luke giggled and grinned, "yeah actually."

Ashton hummed and kissed him sweetly, grabbing his bum. "Mmm don't play with my heart, baby."

Luke squeaked.

"You tryna go skinny dipping in the pool later?"

"Only if I can practice the buddy system," Luke hummed hugging him tighter.

"Oh that rule is _strictly_ enforced..."

"Mmm. I'm wet already," Luke purred against his lips.

"Goddamn..." Ashton tugged Luke's lip between his teeth. "Well lemme take care of that for you..."

Somewhere behind them, Petunia whined. Ashton broke the kiss and turned to her. "Is your only purpose to be a cockblock?"

"No, daddy, I'm also cute and cuddly," Luke spoke in a high pitched voice for her as he laid on Ashton's chest.

"The three 'C's," Ashton sighed and crouched to pet her. "Whaddya want, piggy-baby? You need to go outside?"

Petunia trotted into the hallway, but since this was a new place for her she couldn't run to the door. She kept looking back at Ashton as they went to the back yard area. There was a little bit of grass before the beach that was perfect for her. So all Ashton had to do was keep her on a leash to prevent her from going too far.

"I think she might have a nervous stomach." Ashton told Luke when they got back inside.

"Aww sweetheart... are you okay?" Luke crouched down to love and kiss on her. "What happened?"

"She just sniffed around. She didn't do anything," Ashton scratched between her ears.

"Well let's give you some food! That might move things along," Luke cooed happily kissing all over her forehead and the bridge of her nose. Ashton watched as Luke got piggy's dish and her pink water bowl from _her_ suitcase and filled them both up. He also set up her little basket of toys so she could feel more at home.

"You ready for Christmas, angel baby?" Luke cooed softly. "I got you the best presents. You're gonna be so happy!" She wagged the stump of her tail while she ate. And Luke turned to meet Ashton's fond gaze "she knows what _that_ means."

Ashton smiled. "I'm sure she does..."

" _Will you stop being a brat_?"

" _When you give me my room back_!"

Ashton looked at Luke. "Can't we just have one peaceful holiday?" He sighed softly, and made his way upstairs.

Harry was practically shrieking, and Lauren was yelling back at him. Ashton got to the door and called their attention.

"What is going on here?" Ashton said with furrowed brows.

"He won't give me my room!" Lauren huffed. "He's being such a little baby about it."

Harry was mocking Lauren as she spoke.

"When I said kill each other over a room, you guys know I didn't mean it literally right?" Ashton rubbed his face.

"I hate it here. I can't go to the beach without having to have a chaperone, and I don't even get the room I want, so I can take better selfies." Lauren huffed and sat on the bed crossing her arms. "If mumma were here she'd make us take _turns_ , Harry."

"Well she's not here so go cry a river," Harry stuck his tongue out.

"I think that maybe you two should take turns," Ashton said.

"I don't care what you think, you're not Mumma," Harry shrugged. "I called the room, I get it fair is fair!"

"I hate you, you little twirp," Lauren brushed past Ashton and slammed her door.

"You go away, too," Harry grumbled

"What? What did _I_ do?"

"You told me to trade. You betrayed my trust. You said one thing earlier and went back on your word."

"I'm sorry, Harry. But Lauren was right. Mumma would want you to trade..."

"That's not what you wanted earlier," Harry grumbled. "Make up your mind." And he closed the door in his face.

***

Ashton made Calum and Michael take the Master bedroom this year. And the year before that. And the year before that. It was the right thing to do. Luke was really the only person who gave _him_ the rights to it.

Ashton took his old room and let Lauren and Harry continue their inevitable quarrel over who gets what room.

Petunia stayed with him in his bed just like at home. He packed her suitcase a suitcase just like Luke had. Full of everything their little Piggy liked. 

He was playing with her, getting her to play tug-of-war with her rope toy when Calum popped his head in and invited him out to smoke with him.

"I figured you'd want a break from being in there." Calum lit his cigarette when they were out on the roadside close to the corner store. There was a pleasant view of the beach in the post sunset grayness. "How are you holding up?"

"Definitely better than last year," Ashton sighed. "I think maybe next year we'll need to find a different beach. Too many memories here."

Calum nodded. And offered Ashton a cigarette—which he took graciously. "You made the decision," he cooed.

"Hmm?"

"Mike and I were wondering when you were gonna change up Christmas," Calum cooed. "There's too much shit here. Good and bad. You gotta let it go."

"How long have you been talking about this?" Ashton furrowed his brows.

"Since the first year we came here with you, man. You were _miserable_."

Ashton stared at the sign over that trash can that warned them to be careful of brush fires. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Have you ever tried telling _you_ something?" Calum scoffed. "Unless it's something you really wanna do it's in one ear and out the other, mate."

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I always am."

"You're also a bit of a cocky prick," Ashton rolled his eyes.

"Truth hurts, Ash, it's okay," Calum giggled.

"Merry Christmas, Boys!" A random guy crossing by on the sidewalk called to them.

"Merry Christmas, mate," Calum waved and Ashton echoed it.

Ashton stamped his cigarette out and sighed. "Maybe next year we'll just rent another house."

"Whatever you want man."

"On a different beach."

"Yeah. That's probably better."

"Thanks for the cig, Cal," Ashton sighed.

"Sometimes you just need one." Calum stamped his out and put his arm around Ashton's shoulder. "I'm thinking Newcastle Beach..."

"Newcastle? What's there?"

"Oh nothing except this cool true crime tour."

"True crime? Tell me more..."

***

Ashton sat with Luke after the blowout with Harry and Lauren. "I can't solve their problems, I'm not their parent. I'm gonna stop trying to be."

"They just need guidance. Not an authoritarian," Luke assured him kissing his hand.

"Yeah. I know that," Ashton sipped his beer with his free hand. "You're right."

"My two favorite words. You should live by that."

"Oh I intend to," Ashton's phone chimed and he looked at it with confused brows. "Huh... That's weird."

"What is it?" Luke cooed gently.

"I got a text from Louis out of the blue saying he's 'all set to loan us the money' and that he wants us to meet up with him on the third." Ashton laughed softly. "Sounds like a wrong number."

"It's not the wrong number," Luke said grimacing.

"What do you mean?" Ashton asked softly, still confused.

Luke bit his lip. "I didn't know he would text you about it ."

"Wait. Wait, baby." Ashton shook his head in confusion. "He's serious? A loan? What do we need a loan for?"

"The restaurant."

Ashton's heart pounded at the idea. "Wait. The restaurant? _Our_ restaurant? The one that's our brain child? The one we haven't graduated in order to open yet?"

"Yes..."

"Luke...What?" Ashton asked in a growingly more exasperated tone and ran a hand through his hair. "I can't believe you took a loan without telling me."

"I was _gonna_ tell you..."

"Great job..."

" _Hey._ I made a mistake," Luke said firmly with furrowed brows.

"A mistake that might just financially _ruin_ us. Between school and the house and the kids and the cost it takes to live I don't know how we're gonna afford this, Luke." Ashton said somewhat dramatically. Luke opened his mouth but Ashton cut him off. "And then _you're_ not even the one to tell me. I find out by a text from someone I barely speak to anymore!"

"Stop taking it out on me!" Luke snapped. "I made a decision to go ahead and start planning something that I _thought_ was your dream, too."

"It is my dream, you know that. But just later. When we're older. Once we've graduated and saved up enough to _afford_ a loan!" Ashton sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingertips and spoke in a softer voice. "Why didn't you tell me? Did you want it to be a surprise?"

Luke shook his head. "I was gonna tell you. But I kept talking myself out of it because I knew if I told you, we wouldn't go through with it."

Ashton raised his brows. "Because you knew I'd talk sense into you, or because you think I can't do it without your help?"

Luke stayed silent.

"I knew it..."Ashton's heart beat like a sledgehammer. Suddenly it was clear That if Luke could keep one thing, he could keep a million from him. "I _knew_ you thought it. You think I'm a coward."

"You're not a coward," Luke said immediatly. "But if you don't take the risk you don't make anything. And yes you take little risks, but you're not a _big_ risk taker..."

Ashton scoffed. "Any other flaws in my personality you wanna point out? I'll give you a good one you can really pick at: Anxiety. Why? Cause if we don't pay all these _fucking_ bills on time, the life we've built is gone!" The words echoed through the kitchen.

"Fuck you," Luke growled, and Ashton thought he saw his lip quiver. But his words were sharp. "I'm trying to have a civil conversation with you, so you don't _get_ the luxury of telling me your twisted idea of what I'm doing, and then scream at me. We can fucking _still_ back out of the loan. Stop yelling at me for something that isn't even done yet!"

"It was the trigger, not the point." Ashton said softer but still firm, and he knew Luke wanted to punch him. He didn't know why he said it. "We'll back out. But you still didn't answer me when I asked the question. And I assumed the worst."

Luke's eyebrows shot up. "Here's a tip: stop 'assuming' the person that _loves_ you thinks you're a shit human being. And stop projecting you're idea of yourself through my thoughts. You don't know me _that_ well! Cause if you _did_ know me, you'd know that I just don't speak sometimes. I'm a person, I have to _think_!"

"It was an interesting time to think, after I'd asked you a question," Ashton added raising his eyebrows.

"Get off your fucking high horse, will you? You're not innocent either."

"I never claimed to be."

"Oh my god." Luke pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh my _god_! Why can't you just leave it alone? Why do you always have to nit-pick everything I say when you're upset?"

"I just..." Ashton huffed a sigh and rubbed his face again to try to find the words. "This is stupid. This whole fight is stupid."

"You're right!"

"I wished you would have told me about this. I don't like that I had to find out from a text, or from anyone but you."

"Why the _fuck_ did you get so mad at me about it?" Luke had frustration in his eyes, and even Ashton knew it was justified. "I didn't tell you before Christmas, but you didn't have to be so mean. I was trying to come up with a way to tell you so that we could still go through with it. I didn't know he would text you."

Ashton felt like shit.

"I don't think any of those sick things you think about yourself, but you have a bad habit of taking things like this out on me. And I don't like it. And if you're gonna be like this forever? I'm gone." Luke's lip was definitely quivering now, but no tears fell.

"I just..." Ashton started then hung his head. "I'm sorry."

"I'm gonna accept your apology, and I'm not gonna leave you. Don't worry. But I _will_ if you don't stop treating me like your emotional punching bag. You can't just throw everything on me. I have problems, too."

Ashton nodded. "It's never my intention to hurt you that way..."

"Then you have to _actively_ start finding a way to be the opposite of that. I get venting, but don't do what you just did ever again." Luke stood up from the chair. "This was your one chance. Now _fix_ it."

Ashton watched him walk up the stairs to their bedroom, "sleep on the couch tonight." He heard Luke's voice call from the top step, and the door shut between them.


	9. Ashes Till it Falls

When Ashton woke up to an empty bed the morning after the fight, he didn't think the worst. It was cold, and his pillow was smoothed, and the bed made on his side, but Ashton was at peace.

When Luke closed the door the night before, Ashton wrote him a long apology note at the kitchen counter with a whisky in his hand. It was on some paper from a notebook stuffed in his backpack—which he'd only just crammed beach stuff in.

It went as follows:

"Lu, I know I apologized before, but I keep thinking about what I said. I don't think I actually understood the magnitude of what I was saying sorry for earlier. so let me give it a more honest shot. You are the kindest and most empathetic person I've ever met. I don't know if you have a truly selfish bone in your body and you definitely didn't deserve any of the things I said. I know it would be easy for me to say, 'please forgive me, I'll never do it again. I wasn't thinking clearly.' But that wouldn't be taking responsibility. That would be hiding behind my emotions. Your forgiveness isn't up to me. It's up to you. I hurt you, it's not my job to tell you to how to handle it. It's my job, as someone who has hurt you in this way, to make it up to you until you see fit. Love isn't currency, but forgiveness is. And the loan in question isn't Louis's, it's your loan of kindness and benevolence. Your forgiveness is worth more to me than than all the money in the world. I love you, so I'm gonna pay it back. I promise that to you. So take all the time you need. But I want you to know that I have thought fully about the whole conversation, and I take full responsibility. I should never—in any state of mind—have thought that you were capable of anything less than empathy and respect. You have never shown me unkindness and I will never take it for granted again. I will always keep this in mind every time we have conflicting viewpoints—as rare as it may be. I will show that same love and respect to you, always and forevermore. Ashy."

He'd slid it under the door and and curled up on the couch where he eventually—somehow—fell asleep.

"Hey..." Ashton snapped awake at the sharp whisper. "Ash..."

Ashton looked up in the dark to a very tired and grumpy looking Luke illuminated by the light of their bedroom upstairs. "Baby," he whispered.

"Come to bed," Luke whined softly.

"Really?" Ashton sat up wide awake, and shivering.

Luke nodded.

"Did you read the letter?"

"Uh-huh."

"And?"

"Come to bed."

"I'm so sorry," Ashton whispered standing up to follow him.

"I know."

"Why is it so cold?"

"I cut down the air."

Luke had the letter on his night stand, Ashton noticed. He also noticed that Luke's eyes were puffy like they got when he'd been crying. Ashton for the millionth time wished he could take it all back.

"I read it," Luke said braking the quiet. "And even though I've already accepted your apology, I'll accept this one, too."

Ashton nodded. "I don't deserve you. I meant every word of what I wrote."

"I know."

"I'll give you all the time you need to think it over." Ashton nodded softly. And there was a long pause where no one said anything. And the light in the room felt a little too harsh. The energy between the two of them was so distant and weird. He felt like they were on two sides of the planet, even sitting right beside each other.

The moment seemed to drag but he couldn't form the right words. He was convinced that talking would break this tension, but he just _couldn't_ think of something to say. It's like his mind was buzzing, but his throat was mute.

"I'm sorry too," Luke whimpered unexpectedly. That tore Ashton's attention back to real life. He looked over right as a tear poured down Luke's cheek. "It all fell to pieces when I tried to keep it from you. I normally tell you everything and—."

"Hey," Ashton whispered softly like his normal self again, and hugged Luke close. overwhelmed by both of their regret. "No. Baby. It's not your fault. You don't ever have to apologize to me. You hear me?" Ashton wrapped the blanket around them. " _Never_."

"But I hurt you. I made you think you co—. Couldn't trust me," Luke sniffled.

"I'm insane," Ashton whispered. "I'm an asshole. I never _ever_ should have blamed you. I was out of line..." Ashton whispered. "I overreacted to the situation again."

"But you said those awful things about yourself..." Luke whispered with a quivering chin. "I don't think those things about you. And it hurts me that you think them about yourself."

"I should never have projected them onto you. My messed up shit has nothing to do with my love for you."

Luke didn't say anything immediately. "There is a distance between us, and it's always been there Ashy," Luke played with Ashton's fingers as he spoke. "How can we love each other if we can't find a way to love ourselves?"

"What do you mean? I _love_ you," Ashton whispered.

"But you cant use me as an excuse to feel good about yourself and call it love." Luke whispered.

"I don't understand."

"You convinced yourself I didn't want to text you, till I told you that I actually _did_ want to when we met," Luke said. "We had sex for the first time while you were grieving your mother. You proposed to me at a carnival because you felt a high and you chased it..." Luke cupped his cheeks. "You ride your highs and lows, and it scares me."

"I never want to scare you..." Ashton whispered.

"I know. I'm scared because I love you, but you don't love you. And it hurts because I've spent almost a year-and-a-half getting to know you. Finding out your likes and dislikes, your favorite foods and books and your dreams and everything in-between the big stuff and the small stuff. And I've fallen massively in love with you. I can't _begin_ to describe how deeply I've fallen in love with you. So imagine me loving you for everything you do, and having to watch you then hold yourself to some sort of impossible standard in your head, and hate yourself when you fall short."

Ashton furrowed his brows and felt the prickling of tears in his eyes.

"I don't like when people hate on the things that I love." Luke whimpered. " _Especially_ you. So, you hurt me. And it scares me because...how can I trust that you love me like you say, when you change how you feel about _yourself_ depending on how stressed out you are? Do you see what I'm saying?"

Ashton looked at his hands and nodded. "Yes. You're right."

"I'm not saying you can't be emotional," Luke whispered and rubbed Ashton's chest. "But please be gentle with yourself...you're it for me. I'll die loving you. So please, _please_ for my sake...be kind to you. You don't have to be perfect. You can mess up and make mistakes and I will still love you. I will always forgive you. So forgive yourself. _Please_..."

Ashton nodded, his tears falling unhidden.

"And don't use my love as an excuse to feel good, I don't wanna be your crutch. I wanna grow with you." Luke held his hand. "will you grow _with_ me?"

"Okay Lu," Ashton swallowed trying to block the crying sound from his voice. "Okay. I promise."

"Please remember my words." Luke begged. "They're meant not to hurt you but to help you. Please let me help you."

"You can help me. You _always_ help me. I'm so—." He bit his lip. "I'm so thankful for you."

"You can have my help and not be a coward," Luke whispered.

"I'm afraid of growing dependent on your help."

"Were gonna have a whole life together," Luke cooed gently. "Eventually we have to do _something_ together."

Ashton sighed and wiped the tightness from the drying tears away from his cheeks. "You're right."

"I was taking the loan out in my name," Luke said very softly. "And I didn't tell you about it cause I know you'd tell me it's a bad idea. But my college is covered. And I can get a new, higher paying job, and still help with the house payments. At least that was the plan I was gonna tell you."

"That's not actually as bad as I was thinking," Ashton whispered.

"Because I came up with it..." Luke brushed a strand of fallen hair out of Ashton's face

"I was so wrong to assume you didn't know the burden," Ashton sighed.

"It's okay. You made a mistake. It happens. Don't torture yourself too much about it," Luke whispered gently and kissed Ashton's forehead. "I forgive you, daddy."

Ashton hugged him close. "You sweet angel..."

"Let's go to bed," Luke offered and curled up under the blankets on his side. "You can cut out the light as punishment."

"Will that be all of my punishments?" Ashton cooed.

"Depends on how I'm feeling tomorrow," Luke hummed cuddling the pillows facing away.

At least, he was facing away until Ashton got back. Then he tangled their legs and hugged his torso.

"I was gonna hash this out with you in the morning, and let you really suffer on the couch, you know. I made sure the AC was in full blast so you'd be cold. But then _I_ couldn't sleep without your stupid body heat." Luke grumbled in the dark. "Your constant snores. Your strong heartbeat..."

"I missed you too. And not just cause I was curled into the fetal position under a throw blanket in Antarctica down there."

Luke smiled softly. "Good. Suffer. Stupid bastard. I hate you."

Ashton giggled and hugged Luke tighter.

"I love you," the angel cooed sweetly, and Ashton knew he meant it.

"I love you," Ashton whispered. And somehow even despite the fight Ashton felt closer to Luke than he'd ever been.

So when he woke up to an empty bed, he immediately went downstairs to find Luke setting up the Christmas tree with all his pink ornaments, he hugged him tight and kissed him with sweet lips. He knew all was truly forgiven by the way Luke kissed back.

"I made some coffee if you want it..."

Ashton rubbed Luke's bum absentmindedly, and it was smooth in his silky pink Christmas pajama shorts. Luke didn't pull away. He instead hugged Ashton tighter. "Yeah, bunny, I might want some."

Luke made Ashton put up the top ornaments—even though Luke was taller.

***

New Years on the beach was something that the kids looked forward to more than anything. Watching the fireworks light up over the water had always enthralled them, even from the time they were babies.

Ashton had to make sure everyone was ready and out the door by a reasonable time or the pier would be flooded with people. It was a short walk and and Ashton didn't mind it. But just in case anyone else did, Ashton bought them ice cream cones.

Luke got his traditional flavor. Bubblegum and pop rocks.

"New year's resolution time," Ashton hummed sitting on the bench with them. "Go Harry."

"I wanna read a million books." Harry grinned.

"A million?" Ashton raised his eyebrows

"Well just as many as I can."

"Laur?"

"Expand my fashion scope. I wanna have killer outfits do my makeup. Will you help me with that?" Lauren looked at Luke.

"Of course Laur," Luke grinned. "And, Harry, if you need reading material I'll let you borrow my _Harry Potter_ books."

"Really?" Harry looked at him with big eyes.

"Of course! Anything the Dawkins or Irwin's need, you got it. That's my New Years Resolution. Expand my empathy, and hopefully affect good change for the people around me. Like karma but for everyone I know."

"So like cosmic karma?" Ashton hummed.

"Yeah actually," Luke smiled. "That's a cool name for it."

Ashton grinned. "I like the way it rolls off the tongue."

"What about you, Ashy?" Harry hummed looking at Ashton.

"My resolution is to get a new job where I get paid more than the fuckin _Devil's Deli_ , and hopefully open our restaurant?" Ashton smiled. "If not open then at least very close to it. And also the empathy thing. Cosmic karma times two."

The countdown to midnight was tight and crowded. Everyone wanted the opportunity to be on the peer and watch the fireworks on the horizon. Including Luke and Ashton, but they let the kids hold the pier and stood behind them, while strangers packed them in like sardines.

"Thirty seconds!" Someone across the pier called and others started counting softly, growing stronger the longer it went.

But Ashton didn't wasn't listening because Luke was pressed to his ear. "If you brought the ring, now is a good time to use it..."

Ashton looked at Luke with big eyes. And Luke nodded with a blush.

 _"Sixteen... fifteen...fourteen..._ " the crowd chanted around them

Ashton reached in his pocket and pulled out the ring box he always kept on hand and knelt down.

The people around them gasped and whispered, there were little whispers of, "he's proposing!" And "we gotta ring!" Even Lauren and Harry turned around. But Ashton's eyes were only on Luke, who was spilling little tears down his cheeks.

 _"Ten...nine...eight..._ "

"Luke Hemmings... I love you with everything in my heart. Will you marry me?" His heart was beating out of his chest.

"Yes!" Luke nodded with the brightest, most tearful smile Ashton had ever seen. He wasted no time putting the ring on his angel.

 _"Three! Two! One! Happy New Years!!_ "

And Ashton wrapped his arms around Luke and kissed him as the first fireworks went off. And for the moment it felt like the whole peer was cheering for them.

Luke broke the kiss—much to Ashton's dismay—to watch the sky. "I wanna think of this moment every time I hear fireworks."

"I wanna think of _you_ when I hear them." Ashton held him close. And admired how the ring shined in the light. He had finished leasing it months ago, so Luke was right about that, too.

"Happy New Years, daddy," Luke said so only Ashton could hear.

"Happy New Years, angel."

***

Exactly three years from that moment Ashton held onto the pier with his whole family and thought of everything that had happened here. He let it soak through him. He let every ounce of Luke fill him up. Every pop of a firework reminded him of pop rocks on bubblegum ice cream. Or pop rocks on cotton candy frozen yogurt.

And all of it reminded him of his angel.

And even though it was hard to feel he let himself feel it. He let himself remember the good times. The bad times. Everything this beach had stored away. Everything his mind had clung to. Everything. He knew Luke would want him savor this and to make it a good moment.

So he did.

He wiped his tears and looked at Calum. "Remind me to talk to you when we go back to the beach house, I wanna ask you about something."

"Can I ask what it's about?" Calum asked, looking at him like he noticed the tears but Ashton didn't care.

"Where you got your loan to open your car shop."

Calum looked at him with a face full of surprise. " _Really_?" He grinned in understanding.

"Yeah man, I'm gonna do it." Ashton wiped the residual tears away. "I'm gonna duplicate my new year's resolution from a while ago. But I don't think I'll get any sort of bad cosmic karma for this..."

"Nah man," Calum hummed and put an arm over his shoulder. "I think the universe isn't _that_ cruel."

***

"Hey, Luke," Ashton stood by Luke's headstone almost two years after that. The sun was beginning to set and cast that golden pinkish tinge that Ashton lived so much about this spot in the spring.

Fresh pink roses and babies breath sat neatly arranged the cup provided by the headstone and Ashton smiled brightly in his suit.

"Well, it's happening," Ashton cooed. "I'm finally gonna tell you the surprise. I know you've been waiting anxiously, so I'll stop teasing you. It's opening night at the restaurant. _Our_ restaurant." He grinned big.

"I know, I know, you can't believe I didn't tell you something like this. I almost slipped up multiple times. Like the other day after Lauren's graduation, that almost killed me. No pun intended." He looked around to the other gravestones.

"It's really nice, too! Mostly cause I used your designs—thank you by the way for them cause if it were me there would be a funky vibe to it."

The a bird chirped somewhere in the trees.

"Thank you for a lot of things. Thank you for _everything_. Thank you for showing me how I can move on. It took me a while—you know I'm a stubborn bastard. But if it weren't for you—and maybe Calum—this night wouldn't be possible. I wouldn't be dressed in a suit getting ready to greet all these new people. People who get to be what we'd imagined. They get to sit in the chairs that _we_ picked out, and order off the menu that _we_ designed, and just it's perfect...

"Don't worry I'm giving you plenty of credit. I practically wrote our story on the walls when you walk in. Plus there's a really nice photo of you. You remember that time we went to that Struts concert, and I took a million photos of you in the line. It's one of those. Now everyone gets to see it, and know the angel who helped perfect it. You're gonna be _famous_ ," Ashton grinned.

"And I'm so so happy, Lu. And not just right now. All the time recently. So you were right. I know you're eating that up. Anyway, I'm gonna have to get out of here soon but I wanted to tell you that I think I'm finally gonna be okay."

The breeze rushed through the pink blossoms on the trees and it was as warm and bright as Luke's smile. And all at once Ashton knew that something in the universe was on his side.

Ashton also knew that somewhere there is death, and it's always coming. But when it hits, there can be new life again.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read all of this I would personally like to thank you. I am so honored to have held your attention for so long, and I appreciate your love and kindness. I am also on wattpad, along with this story. This is my first book on either platform, so I appreciate you sticking with it through the end.   
> All my love, Honeyedlashton x


End file.
